Life Lately: Gloomy & Gray

When I say gloomy and gray, I don't mean the weather. The weather here has actually been sunny and still really hot, which only adds to my cranky moods. I've been ready for Fall for weeks. I am beyond over the summer. There's something about Fall that awakens something in me. That whole quote about life starting over in the Fall rings so true to me. And I'm at a point in my life where I need to start over. Hence the whole gloomy and gray thing. Even if it's bright and sunny outside, everything feels gloomy and gray to me. Not to say that I'm depressed, but I'm certainly not at 100%.

This post is kind of the complete opposite of what I usually write here or at least the messages I try to send out to others. I like to be as positive as possible and I like spreading that positivity. But I also want to be real with you and right now, truthfully, my life isn't all rainbows and butterflies. On the bright side, though, I know that this phase in my life is only temporary (as I've talked about in this past post). Yet, we all know how difficult it is to convince yourself that things will be better soon when it seems everything kind of just, well, sucks.

I've been wanting to get more into my blog for a very long time now, but I suffer from writer's block, laziness, lack of motivation, etc. I've also been trying to start writing my first novel, but that project is suffering from all of the above as well. Some days are great, but most days are not.

What is most frustrating for me is that I know I'm the only one with the power to get myself out of this current gray, gloomy slump. By forcing myself to just do the things I want to do, forcing myself to get back into healthy habits, etc. It's all up to me, that I know. But I've always sucked at self-control, unfortunately.

As a society in general, we try so hard to portray our lives in a positive manner. You look on Facebook and Instagram and the majority of people are posting about happy things. Bloggers do this too (maybe even more so). It's not just that we want others to think that we are living these wonderful, happy lives, but in a way we're trying to convince ourselves, too. But we don't have to be happy, or even just okay, all of the time. It's okay to be sad, it's okay to feel gloomy. So that's why I decided to share how I'm truly feeling lately. Because I'm human and life gets tough. And that's okay.

 

If you ever feel you need someone to talk to, please don't be shy - shoot me an email! Sometimes gaining an outsider's perspective is exactly what you need. Or sometimes, you just need to let it all out. And I'd be more than happy to be that person for you.

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What's in my makeup bag?

I'm not big on wearing makeup and usually go for the bare minimum. I love any kind of "natural" look. Now that I'm working with kids again, I feel less inclined to "spruce" my face up, so the heavy eyeshadow and lipstick wear is saved for the occasional night out or any other type of dress up event. I wanted to share with you guys what's inside my makeup bag (well, the main one...) These are the items I use most frequently, but I do have two other bags full of goodies! Ironic for someone who doesn't wear makeup that much, haha.

The Passage of Time

How fast an hour passes by when you're mindlessly doing something you enjoy. How slow an hour passes by when you're anxiously counting down the minutes until you're free from whatever is restraining you. Time is such a funny thing and sometimes I think we have the concept of time all wrong. But it's hard to grasp the idea of time, especially when you look at how time can pass both quickly and slowly, all in one.

More than in the past, I cannot believe summer is basically over. I feel like I blinked and suddenly jumped from June to September. I blinked and suddenly I was a different person, in a different world. Okay, maybe that's being a little overdramatic, but so much has changed that it really does feel like I've entered this entirely new life, with bits and pieces of my old life left behind.

Pretty soon all the leaves will start changing and the air will get crisper. I won't hear crickets in the nighttime and the sun will start to set earlier and earlier. Wasn't Fall just here? Wasn't it just Winter a little while ago? Wasn't I just counting down the days until warmer weather? And now I'm counting down the days until the weather gets cooler? Where has the time gone?

Like I mentioned earlier, it's funny how when you're enjoying yourself, time seems to just wisp on by, and then when things are crappy, time seems to turn into a snail. In one of my previous posts, I mention how having patience during these difficult periods in your life can help so much, especially if you remind yourself that it is only temporary. Because it's true. Everything is temporary. Everything is always changing. We can't stop that, so the sooner we accept it, the sooner we can start to enjoy our lives in the present moment.

And I guess that's kind of where I'm getting at with this. I feel like my summer flew by, but at the same time while I was actually living it, there were many, many moments in which I wanted time to speed up. Now I'm looking back and wondering if maybe I should have tried to enjoy it more. So now, looking at the beginning of a new season (because aren't we always so inclined to measure our lives season by season, year by year?) I ready myself to enjoy the present more. Who knows what changes will come in the next couple of months. Things can't stay the same, whether good or bad. So enjoy the present while you still can. You'll thank me later ;)

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Sweet & Savory Roasted Root Vegetables

I'm a "dance to the beat of your own drum" kind of gal and that definitely applies to my cooking as well. I usually don't follow recipes and kind of just wing it. Sometimes it's a fail, but once in awhile I come across something that's ah-mazing—so of course I want to share it! When I bought parsnips and carrots, I had different plans for each of them. I love making peanut butter crusted parsnip fries. But since I had to use both sets of vegetables before they went bad, I decided to throw them together. Luckily they pair well together because they're both root veggies. I thought about sticking to the tried and true method of roasting veggies with olive oil and some herbs, but I was feeling kind of adventurous SO I present to you my recipe for...

Patience: The Hardest Lesson to Learn

I have never been a patient person. Whether it was dealing with mundane tasks like standing in line at the post office or sitting in rush hour traffic, to waiting for my diet to finally start giving me results or waiting for "time to pass" so my emotional wounds can heal, you could pretty much say I have had zero patience in life. But has that changed how fast things come to me? No. Has it delayed good things from happening? Probably. Has it frustrated the hell out of me? ABSOLUTELY!

I certainly don't think I'm alone in this kind of mentality, but in the past I've definitely thought that out of all my friends and peers, I've had to be the most patient of them all. It seemed the more patience was needed of me, the harder it was to get through anything. Having patience (and I mean truly having it—not just convincing yourself otherwise) has been something I've been "working on" for years now, but it's only until this summer or so that my lesson in patience has really kicked in. Let's just say that this summer has been one hell of a roller coaster ride, one that left me (and my life) hanging upside down for awhile.

Through all that's been happening in my life, however, I've found some kind of peace. If you told me a year ago that I would be the person I am now, I would have never believed it (because I was stubborn back then and thought my world was doomed 75% of the time). Part of this new found peace (and patience) I can contribute to growing older and maturing.

The other part? Finally accepting the things that I cannot change. Appreciating the good in my life. Believing that the best is yet to come. Excitement for the future rather than worry. Taking it one day at a time. Not putting so much pressure on myself. Allowing myself to have bad days, while realizing that they will pass and tomorrow is always a new start. The list goes on, but I think you get the gist.

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Post-grad life has not been easy, especially when it comes to patience. Although at this point is it even considered "post-grad" life, since I graduated over two years ago? I guess not! I'm starting to shift into a more comfortable, confident position in my life. The funny part is that not much has changed externally. I'm still searching for that "dream job" and have had several different positions since graduating. I'm still living at home, for the time being, until I can get a solid financial foundation going. I'm still single, although that part isn't necessarily a focus in my life right now anyway. My point is that what has truly changed is me. And that's what I was missing this whole time.

Sometimes we get stuck in the mindset that "if only ____ would happen, then my life would be better" or "if I had ____ in my life, surely everything would fall into place", etc, etc. I was a slave to this way of thinking for years. I definitely knew better, but it was very difficult for me to break this habit. I was so convinced that I needed my life to change externally in order for things to change internally.

Don't get me wrong, I still make mistakes. I still fall into this mindset (a lot more than I care to admit). But what's changed is that I've learned to be patient with myself and with my life. I know that when I start thinking this way, I either need to let myself ride it out or talk myself out of it because I know better (it all depends on my mood that day, haha!)

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I hope that you're able to take away something positive from this post. I know how difficult it is to be patient, not only with your life, but with yourself as well. Ironically, I'm writing this right now while in a terrible mood. Yet, I'm able to control it because I know it's only temporary. So next time you feel like you just can't take anymore: close your eyes, take a deep breath and remind yourself that everything will be okay. Be patient with yourself.