The Passage of Time

How fast an hour passes by when you're mindlessly doing something you enjoy. How slow an hour passes by when you're anxiously counting down the minutes until you're free from whatever is restraining you. Time is such a funny thing and sometimes I think we have the concept of time all wrong. But it's hard to grasp the idea of time, especially when you look at how time can pass both quickly and slowly, all in one.

More than in the past, I cannot believe summer is basically over. I feel like I blinked and suddenly jumped from June to September. I blinked and suddenly I was a different person, in a different world. Okay, maybe that's being a little overdramatic, but so much has changed that it really does feel like I've entered this entirely new life, with bits and pieces of my old life left behind.

Pretty soon all the leaves will start changing and the air will get crisper. I won't hear crickets in the nighttime and the sun will start to set earlier and earlier. Wasn't Fall just here? Wasn't it just Winter a little while ago? Wasn't I just counting down the days until warmer weather? And now I'm counting down the days until the weather gets cooler? Where has the time gone?

Like I mentioned earlier, it's funny how when you're enjoying yourself, time seems to just wisp on by, and then when things are crappy, time seems to turn into a snail. In one of my previous posts, I mention how having patience during these difficult periods in your life can help so much, especially if you remind yourself that it is only temporary. Because it's true. Everything is temporary. Everything is always changing. We can't stop that, so the sooner we accept it, the sooner we can start to enjoy our lives in the present moment.

And I guess that's kind of where I'm getting at with this. I feel like my summer flew by, but at the same time while I was actually living it, there were many, many moments in which I wanted time to speed up. Now I'm looking back and wondering if maybe I should have tried to enjoy it more. So now, looking at the beginning of a new season (because aren't we always so inclined to measure our lives season by season, year by year?) I ready myself to enjoy the present more. Who knows what changes will come in the next couple of months. Things can't stay the same, whether good or bad. So enjoy the present while you still can. You'll thank me later ;)

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Inspiration Monday: Take a step back and reflect

This is the last Monday before Labor Day, which in my eyes at least, basically means summer is coming to an end. Fall is right around the corner, which excites me because it is one of my favorite seasons, but that means summer is over and that's always a sad thing. Every summer holds so many possibilities and adventures. If you're anything like me, you start off your summer extremely excited for what this one holds for you... what awaits you. What might change and what might not. Sometimes you start off with a huge list of expectations, only to find yourself at the end of the summer totally bummed out. But then there are some summers that are so great that they will live in your memory forever and ever. What kind of summer did you have this year?

Since we're reaching the end of something and the beginning of something new, it's a good time to take a step back and reflect. Truthfully, this is something you should do often, not just when one season ends and another begins. Sometimes we just need to take a step back from all the chaos, especially the chaos that goes on in your mind, and truly reflect on your life. Everything that's happened thus far, what has changed for you and what has not, where you'd like to be, etc.

As only natural for me, I've been doing a lot of reflecting the past few days, since my summer is coming to an end. It did not in the least bit go the way I thought it would when it had first started, but that's okay. I've come to accept the way things have played out for me. I learned a lot about myself this summer (or rather, realized that I had already known all along). Looking back at where I was a year ago—a totally lost post-grad freaking out about what to do with my life and my career—I think I've come a long way. Although I think we will always feel a little bit "lost" so to say, I certainly don't feel as lost, confused and scared anymore.

I now have a clear idea of what I want my career path to be, it's just a matter of working really hard to get an opportunity. And time. Time is always a bitch. But, that's how it goes. In other parts of my life, I'm feeling more level headed as well. I haven't felt "myself" in a very, very long time, but I am starting to finally feel more like the "real Val." I'm sure there will be setbacks and more ups and downs, but I'm ready for them. Maybe the events of this summer, this entire year, were necessary in order for me to do a complete roundabout and realize these things. Who knows.

So for this Inspiration Monday, I'd like you to take a step back and reflect. You can reflect on your summer, or your past year, or your entire life! Clear your mind and really think about things. Take your time to analyze. Look at everything with a new perspective. Sometimes, that's all we really need.

Has our generation gone too far with the drinking lifestyle?

I’ve been experiencing some serious writer’s block. It’s not that I don’t have any ideas, because I have enough ideas to fill up my entire spring and summer post schedule. The problem is I’m having trouble just sitting down and actually writing it all. My ideas bounce around in my head like jumping jelly beans and then it’s hard to put everything into words. I also get stressed out knowing that I should be writing but I’m not. I almost feel like I’m back in school, dreading that paper I have to write but continuously procrastinating until the very last second. Except now, there’s technically no due date. I’m all about being organized and setting goals for myself, with tight run schedules and all. Then, it all just flops. I’m trying to work on this, but sometimes you find yourself in a funk that is just tremendously difficult to get out of.

One thing I do want to share with you all is my experience at the Taking Back Sunday concert I went to on Wednesday night. There were three other bands playing before them, so it was a really long wait (after an already exhausting day at work.) Taking Back Sunday has been my favorite band since I was about 12/13 years old and it is literally written on my bucket list “go to a Taking Back Sunday concert.” Ten years a fan and I had never been to one.

Now, I do not consider myself a “concert-goer” in the least bit. I’m not a fan of large crowds, so I stay away from things like that. I also don’t like spending a bunch of money on nosebleed seats. Just don’t see the point. But, this time was different. I was super pumped.

To say it in the politest way possible, it sucked. Not because of the music or the bands. It was the people, the crowd. I was expecting a crowd of older people or people somewhat my age, those who grew up listening to these bands and just felt like being nostalgic, etc. Instead, the crowd was a mix of overly obnoxious and rude drunk teenagers. Or maybe they were older than that, but I really couldn’t tell by the way they were acting. Everywhere I turned I saw girl drama and fights. People were doing drugs left and right. Everyone was wasted. I did not get to enjoy myself and it was truly disappointing. 

I don’t blame people for wanting to have fun and letting loose for a night, but after my night it really made me think: 

Must we rely on alcohol or drugs to have a good time, all the time?

I think drinking every once in a while is perfectly fine, especially if you know your limits and can contain yourself. However, I see it all around me, all the time. People don’t know how to have fun unless it involves intoxicating yourself in some way. They rather go to bars every weekend than try out new activities or just plan a nice night in with your friends.

College pretty much has a drinking culture of its own, and that’s really never going to change. I’ll admit that I, too, indulged in this type of lifestyle. At what point does it get old, though? For me, this idea of drinking all the time or overindulging in this lifestyle started getting old by the time I became a senior in college. Now whenever I see people my age still acting in such ways or having this mentality, it’s just disappointing. 

I wish it was easier for people to have a good time without having to drink or go out and rage. I understand that it’s fun to let loose, go wild and just have a good time with friends. But, you have to remember a few things:

1. Know your limits. At a certain age, you should know how much you should be consuming. You should know not to get so drunk that you become a problem for others or even for your own self. 

2. There are other things to do besides drinking. Like, an infinity amount of things to do. Finding new activities or hobbies with your friends could open so many doors. Or even simple things, such as going to the movies or cooking a new dish at home with friends, or ordering chinese food and watching Netflix all night. 

3. If the reason you’re going out to bars every weekend is to meet your dream sweetie, think again. Is this really the type of environment you want to meet someone special like that? Sure, a lot of people find their boyfriends/girlfriends at bars, but more likely than not you’re not going to find what you’re looking for. 

4. Alcohol is not good for your body. MAYBE the occasional glass of red wine, as studies have proven, or whatever. But to be binge-drinking all the time causes some serious issues. We all know hangovers suck. You feel that way for a reason. You just threw your body into a spinning hell ride of torture. Also, as we get older, our bodies can’t handle as much alcohol as we used to, so sometimes taking it down a notch is actually literally necessary in order for you to survive the next day.

5. If you rely on alcohol to be less shy, forget about your problems, etc. there are underlying issues that need to be resolved. Alcohol is not the solution. In fact, bringing alcohol into the mix of these pre-existing issues will probably only make things worse in the long run. Deal with life in a different way, a healthier way.

So there you have it. End of rant. Some of you may agree with me, some of you may not, but this is just the way I see things and how I feel. Sometimes it seems that our generation is so involved in the drinking culture and I think it can result in so many problems for our futures and our well-being in general. 

The Benefits of Classical Music

I love music. I love the effect it has on me, on people. I love how there are millions of different kinds of music. I love that you can almost always find a song that will fit perfectly with the mood you are in. Or a song that just speaks to you, in a way no one else really can.

I listen to just about all genres, but my latest kick has been classical music. I've never really been into classical music - definitely not one of those people that played it in the background as they did their work, etc. For some reason I decided to give it a go on Pandora, and not to be super dramatic but, my life has been changed.

I have faced issues such as insomnia, anxiety, stress, the whole works, for just about as long as I can remember. Obviously, college only escalated those issues. I have tried various ways of coping with these problems. Listening to classical music has become a blessing in disguise. I started playing it before bed at night because I found it relaxing and stress relieving. I leave it playing while I sleep (with the t.v. timer set so I don't waste any unnecessary electricity, blah blah blah.) My sleep has really improved. I don't think I've ever found anything (natural) that works this well.

Since I was having such success with classical music for sleep-related purposes, I decided to also play it while I did things that might cause some stress (such as painting my new office) and found that it really helped my levels of stress from rising. It's also been great as background music while I do work for this blog.

I'm sure you've heard it before, that classical music is very beneficial for your brain and health. I did a little bit of research and discovered that some benefits of listening to this type of music include: increased learning capabilities, lower blood pressure, stress reduction, reduced muscle tension, improved sleep quality, etc. Apparently because of its melody and rhythm, classical music affects our brain organization and abilities. More specifically, its rhythm can raise the level of serotonin produced in your brain (which in turn helps with certain mental disorders such as depression and anxiety.)

You might have also heard of the "Mozart Effect" which is a term that originated in the early 90s. According to this claim, Mozart's music (and other similar music) enhances deep rest and rejuvenation as well as creativity and imagination. If you want to learn more about these types of studies, I recommend reading Dan Campbell's book "The Mozart Effect: Tapping the Power of Music to Heal the Body, Strengthen the Mind, and Unlock the Creative Spirit."

I don't know to what extent all these studies hold truth, but what I do know is that I gave classical music a chance and it helped me tremendously. That's why I want to share with you the benefits it gave me in particular, not just some article you happen to come across claiming all the crazy good benefits you get from listening to Mozart and Beethoven. If anything, just try it for a night or two, or when you're feeling particularly stressed out, and see for yourself what kind of effect this beautiful music may have on you.

   

For more information check out these articles: one & two

10 things I would tell my 16 year old self

Inspired by this post over at Love & Waffles, I decided it'd be interesting to look back at who I was when I was 16 and what my life was like. I turned 16 during my Sophomore year of high school, which was one of the hardest years of my life (second hardest was my Freshman year at college.) I often find myself wishing I could go back in time and give myself advice or make different choices. But at the end of the day, living life with no regrets is the best possible thing you can do for yourself. Mistakes we make, experiences we go through, however difficult they may be, they all serve a purpose. As Alanis Morissette says, "You live, you learn."

Dear 16 year old Val:

1. Take school a little bit more seriously. It may just be "high school" and pretty easy, but establishing good studious habits now will help you tremendously down the road - especially once you get to college.


2. Get a hobby. Play a sport. Do some type of extracurricular activity that you can be proud of yourself for. It will also give you something to do, something to look forward to, so you don't dwell on all the negative in your life.


3. Stop trying to impress people. Be confident in who you are. You are awesome, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.


4. Do not be reckless. Do not think you are invincible. Be smart about stupid decisions you see your fellow peers making.


5. Ignore the bitch that is purposely trying to make your life miserable day in and day out. She's not worth the trouble.


6. Allow yourself to step out of your comfort zone. Your heart may have been broken, but don't let that keep you from meeting new people and experiencing new things.


7. Never dwell on the past. It happened. It's over now. Move on.


8. It's okay to give yourself time to recuperate, but do not let it consume you. The more you let yourself sink into misery, the harder it will be to get yourself out of it.


9. Cut ties with those who disrespect you and/or are not worth your time and energy. The sooner you let them go, the better (and easier.)


10. You have all the love in the world to give; your heart is big and you care too much. Do not let people take advantage of that. Be strong.

To be honest, I can still use this list of advice today (and maybe you can, too.)
I have a hard time learning my lessons. I try, though, and sometimes that's all you can do.

The stages I go through with "that song" everybody loves

I'm sure you've all been there before. There's a new hit song and everybody loves it. It's on the radio all the time; it's everywhere you turn. Problem is, you hate it. You loathe it. Two things can happen at this point. Either you wait for it to fade out (which might take months...) or suddenly you find yourself actually enjoying it a bit, only to realize that you have the song on blast as you're driving and happily singing along. You are all guilty of this, do not deny it!

This happened to me a couple years ago when I was still in college and the latest song that literally everybody was singing or blasting at parties was "Call Me Maybe." When I first heard it I was like, "what the hell is this crap?!" It drove me nuts (and trust me, it's ten times more annoying when that song you hate is being sung by a bunch of drunk girls.) Eventually, I caught on. I was singing it at bars. I wasn't switching the radio station when it came on. I had fallen into the trap. Of course, now if I ever hear it my reaction is just "Stop. Bye."

Here are the stages I go through when it comes to songs like these.
The song I shall be using as an example is none other than "Happy" by Pharrell. You know, that song.

1. "This song sucks."

The moment I first heard the song, I was in a bitter mood. Who the hell is going to like a song that's all about happiness when they're in an awful mood? Whatever, I changed the station and problem solved.

2. "Why is this song everywhere I go?!

I heard this song twice while substitute teaching. At two different schools. They play it in the morning while kids are at their lockers getting ready for first period. They play it before school is over while the kids are packing up. It's here, it's there, it's everywhere.

3. "Why does everyone love this song so much?"

So I'm standing on line at the cash register and someone's phone starts ringing. It has a music ringtone. Guess what song it is. He lets it ring for a little bit, while the people around me start smiling. A woman says "I love that song." My dad says, "me too!" I just stand there. Wondering why.

4. "It's kind of catchy..."

My old high school recently did a video to the song for their spirit day and I watched it because I was curious to see what was up at WOHS and if I'd recognize anyone (which I did not since I am old.) The video is cute and upbeat, and made me miss high school (wow.) Even if it was that song in the background. I found myself suddenly not hating the song.

5. "This song ain't so bad!"

I'm driving my car, "Happy" comes on. I'm in a fairly good mood. Spring is kind of sort of in the air. I have my windows down a bit. I'm cruising down the street. I find myself putting the volume up. I don't change the station. I listen to the song the whole way through. That's when I realize. I like this song.

6. "Okay, seriously, enough already."

This hasn't happened yet, but I guarantee it will very soon. You get sick of the same song playing over and over again. We're human, it's in our nature. Enjoy the fact that you're not annoyed with it yet, because it's gonna happen.

Here is the video my old high school did for "Happy" by Pharrell.

"Nobody likes you when you're 23"

My birthday is in about 40 minutes. By the time this is posted, I will be 23 years old. Even though I'm only turning 23, for some reason that makes me feel really old. I guess it only goes downhill from there?

The thing about your 23rd birthday, for most of us post-grads, it might come as a radical shock. Everything is different now. For one, most of your friends would still be up late enough to wish you a happy birthday as soon as the clock struck 12. Your phone would start buzzing with texts to start off your special day. That was one of my favorite parts. It was always a mini-competition to me, to see which of my friends texted me first. But now, I'm not expecting that… at all. The majority of my friends are probably in bed by now, fast asleep. I really should be as well, because not only am I exhausted from today's longer work day but I'm also smack in the middle of catching a cold so I feel extra worn down. And yet, I must stay awake until midnight. It is tradition, and I plan to keep it a tradition for as long as I possibly can.

The other thing about turning 23 and not being in college anymore: what the hell do you do to celebrate your birthday? Normally you'd have a birthday weekend that involved lots of pre-gaming and bar hopping and over-all shenanigans. Now what? Everyone is scattered across the state, or country, or globe. Half your friends can't make it even if you do try to plan a fun party. People start getting busy, there's less time to dedicate. And while it's completely understandable, it's also a little bit sad. You start to realize that this is it; we have entered "the real world" and things will continue to change.

Turning 23, at least for me, is a milestone that is truly making me realize that I'm growing up. And that's a little bit scary. It's exciting, sure, but there's also a lot of uncertainty. Although there's a tiny bit of melancholy surrounding this year's birthday, there's also so much to look forward to. And for that, I am grateful.

For once, I'm actually starting to feel my true age. I have witnessed myself mature tremendously these past six months and I feel like a stronger and more ambitious individual every day. I also feel more confident in my abilities, and more certain of what it is that I want to do with my life. I think 23 is going to be a life-changing year.

The one piece of advice I can give to you twenty-somethings tonight is that, no matter how much you "grow up," don't let go of your inner child. Life is too short to be so serious and so "mature." We might be getting older, but that doesn't mean we have to shrivel up like an old prune and have no fun. You have to laugh. Every day. You have to do exciting things. You have to act like a child every once in awhile. It will keep you young, it will help keep you sane, and it will help you hold on to your happiness.

A Personal Note: Feeling Stuck

This post is certainly a very personal one, and I almost decided to keep it to myself, but I feel I need to share. My mind has been racing for days. I feel like I fell into quick sand and I'm sinking slowly, unable to claw my way out. I feel so unhappy with where I'm at in my life right now and with no way of getting myself out. I know I have talked about being positive and remaining focused on your passions, but some days even I can't keep myself in that mindset. This past week has really hurled me into a whirlwind of emotions, but for the most part I feel numb. I feel like I'm running out of options and I'm being forced into becoming something that every inch of my body is so desperately fighting against. I don't want to become a corporate drone who lives their 9 to 5 life and comes home exhausted and brain dead. I don't want to do something that I don't have any interest or passion for just because I need the money. After months of searching, I've found myself at a dead end. I'm feeling more and more discouraged every day. I hate having a negative perspective on things and I'm always trying to change my way of thinking because I know "positivity is key." But it's so much easier said than done. I almost feel like a hypocrite now because just a few days ago I was trying to send this message out to everyone, and now here I am fighting to get the tiniest sliver of hope. I have always, always been scared of settling. Whether it was in regards to a job, relationship, anything. I never want to have to settle. I want to know that the choices I'm making are based on what I love, and not out of fear. And I guess now that's what I'm doing. Settling for something because of fear. It's so easy for us millennials to settle for something because of what is expected of us.  At what point will that change? How many people are truly happy with their life and what they are doing? Why is that such a rare thing nowadays? And why does it have to take so much courage to just go out there and do what you love, despite the consequences and risks. I have no idea what my future holds. And I have no idea how to handle everything I'm going through right now. It brings me some ease of mind, however, to know that I'm not alone in feeling this way. I just wish more people were open about it. Maybe we all wouldn't be so scared to take such risks if we knew that more people felt this way, like there was more to life than just getting by.