P.S. You're Not Old

I had a conversation today with my oldest friend (and by oldest, I mean the friend who has been around the longest—since our angst-filled middle school years) and it sparked something in me, something that I think goes through the minds of everyone and seems to start a little after you graduate college and enter "the real world."

When you're 21/22, you feel like you're on top of the world. Hell, you think you're on top of the world even before that, but even more naively so. I've heard it said many times that your college years are the best years of your life. There was even a show called "The Best Years" that focused on a girl in college (anyone remember that on The N?!) I always got so angry when I heard that, though, because first of all, at the time, I thought my college years sucked. As I look back on them now, I yearn to go back way too often, wondering if they really were in fact the best years of my life and I took it for granted. Spoiler alert: they weren't. My best years are still to come. And maybe even my worst years (please no haha). Who knows!

It is so easy to get trapped in this mindset because once we graduate college, we are hurdled into what everyone loves to call "the real world" and with that comes a wave of responsibilities that coincide with all the fun and adventure being sucked out of your life. I'm only 24 years old and I'm already seeing fellow peers getting married, engaged, having babies, getting promotions at work, moving cross-country, etc. It's hard to take a look around your world and think that you're still young, because so many of us are doing such "adult" things.

Part of my conversation with my friend today involved a lot of reminiscing, especially since due to certain circumstances, we're both back in our home town. As we talked about the high school kids of today (and thought about our own high school experience) I got to saying, multiple times, "GOD we're so old." And at that point I'm pretty sure Kate wanted to smack me in the face, because in her eyes we're not old, we're still just babies. And she's right.

We're still in our twenties. We still have years to make more mistakes and learn from them. We still have years to experience new things, meet new people, live in new places. We still have time to figure out what exactly it is that we want to do. We have all the time in the world. Just because we're done with college and expected to do all these things (thank you, society, for all that pressure), doesn't mean we have to. And just because you're 24 and already married and having babies and living your dream life, that doesn't mean you're old either. You still have so much ahead of you, both good and bad. We all do.

I'm done thinking my friends and I have gotten "so old" especially because I know ten years from now I'll look back at this time period and think "What was I thinking! I'm so old NOW!" (Which by the way I won't because I very much plan to implement this new mentality ASAP). If I keep thinking the way I do, then I'm not going to enjoy life. I'm not going to enjoy my twenties and all the upheaval it brings. Because no, we can't drink like we're tanks anymore and we can't go on reckless adventures (or more so don't want to because we've become "responsible" and all that). But that doesn't mean we have to stop having fun. It doesn't mean we can't go on any adventures. It doesn't mean we have to become a corporate drone, and live just to work and get by.

There's no one answer that will satisfy everyone's question of how exactly you do any of the above. For some of you, it may mean you travel—see the world, meet new people, experience new things. For some of you it means picking up a new hobby and/or doing something you never in a million years thought you would do. For others it may simply mean starting your own family, because of course that's an adventure in itself. Some of you may find that simply hanging out with old friends can do the trick. Remembering old memories and making new ones. The answer/solution is different for everybody. The important part is that you get out there and DO something. Get out there and live. Don't get stuck in the past.

When I say that 24 is not old, I also mean that 34 isn't old—neither is 44, 54, etc. It's never too late to change your life. It's never too late to do something new. Sometimes we get too stuck in the past. It's okay to get nostalgic, but don't let it run your life. I say this as someone whose been this way for a very long time. I rarely enjoy the present because I'm stuck in the past (or worried about the future... can I get an amen? Ha.) But I'm trying really hard to change that about myself, and I hope you can, too.

[Kate and I years from now, obviously still complaining about stupid people]

It's Time to Stop Basing Your Life on What Others Think

Lately I've been making a lot of "unconventional" decisions in my life and the direction in which my life is headed. I'm straying away from what society believes is normal and what a college educated woman should be doing nowadays. I'm ultimately making decisions with my heart, rather than with my head. And, unfortunately, many people frown upon that. But am I going to let it stop me? Absolutely not.

Every one of us may encounter a situation like this at some point in our lives, whether it's a big decision or a small one. I can already tell you that not everyone will be on board with your decision and almost everyone will have some kind of opinion on the matter. Some will voice it, others will not. It may even be your own friends and family who are your toughest critics. They may drive you up the wall. They may make you second guess yourself. They may even talk you out of something that you really, truly believed was best for you. I'm here to tell you that you cannot let that happen.

Sure, there are many cases in which your loved ones are just looking out for you and want the best for you, but you know what? You're the one who at the end of the day knows what's best. You're the one who will be living with whatever decision you end up making. It's not a bad thing at all to ask for the opinion and help from other people, especially because I do think it's important to get some outside perspective. But when it gets to the point that you're basically getting your dreams shit on (excuse my language) then it's time to start saying screw what people think, this is my life.

We live in a world where everyone's life, every single little detail, is out there for all to see (and to compare with). Unfortunately this does more damage than good. We compare ourselves too much with other people and their lives, and a lot of the time that hinders our own progress or change. I've certainly talked about this issue on my blog before, but it's that important that I feel I need to keep reiterating it (for my readers just as much as for myself). We need to stop making decisions based on what other people think and we also need to stop comparing our lives with other people. You're only ever going to get to where you're truly happy once you block out the rest of the world. This is your life, your journey - live it your way.

"The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on or blame. The gift is yours. It is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins." 

-Bob Moawad

"Nobody likes you when you're 23"

My birthday is in about 40 minutes. By the time this is posted, I will be 23 years old. Even though I'm only turning 23, for some reason that makes me feel really old. I guess it only goes downhill from there?

The thing about your 23rd birthday, for most of us post-grads, it might come as a radical shock. Everything is different now. For one, most of your friends would still be up late enough to wish you a happy birthday as soon as the clock struck 12. Your phone would start buzzing with texts to start off your special day. That was one of my favorite parts. It was always a mini-competition to me, to see which of my friends texted me first. But now, I'm not expecting that… at all. The majority of my friends are probably in bed by now, fast asleep. I really should be as well, because not only am I exhausted from today's longer work day but I'm also smack in the middle of catching a cold so I feel extra worn down. And yet, I must stay awake until midnight. It is tradition, and I plan to keep it a tradition for as long as I possibly can.

The other thing about turning 23 and not being in college anymore: what the hell do you do to celebrate your birthday? Normally you'd have a birthday weekend that involved lots of pre-gaming and bar hopping and over-all shenanigans. Now what? Everyone is scattered across the state, or country, or globe. Half your friends can't make it even if you do try to plan a fun party. People start getting busy, there's less time to dedicate. And while it's completely understandable, it's also a little bit sad. You start to realize that this is it; we have entered "the real world" and things will continue to change.

Turning 23, at least for me, is a milestone that is truly making me realize that I'm growing up. And that's a little bit scary. It's exciting, sure, but there's also a lot of uncertainty. Although there's a tiny bit of melancholy surrounding this year's birthday, there's also so much to look forward to. And for that, I am grateful.

For once, I'm actually starting to feel my true age. I have witnessed myself mature tremendously these past six months and I feel like a stronger and more ambitious individual every day. I also feel more confident in my abilities, and more certain of what it is that I want to do with my life. I think 23 is going to be a life-changing year.

The one piece of advice I can give to you twenty-somethings tonight is that, no matter how much you "grow up," don't let go of your inner child. Life is too short to be so serious and so "mature." We might be getting older, but that doesn't mean we have to shrivel up like an old prune and have no fun. You have to laugh. Every day. You have to do exciting things. You have to act like a child every once in awhile. It will keep you young, it will help keep you sane, and it will help you hold on to your happiness.

A Personal Note: Feeling Stuck

This post is certainly a very personal one, and I almost decided to keep it to myself, but I feel I need to share. My mind has been racing for days. I feel like I fell into quick sand and I'm sinking slowly, unable to claw my way out. I feel so unhappy with where I'm at in my life right now and with no way of getting myself out. I know I have talked about being positive and remaining focused on your passions, but some days even I can't keep myself in that mindset. This past week has really hurled me into a whirlwind of emotions, but for the most part I feel numb. I feel like I'm running out of options and I'm being forced into becoming something that every inch of my body is so desperately fighting against. I don't want to become a corporate drone who lives their 9 to 5 life and comes home exhausted and brain dead. I don't want to do something that I don't have any interest or passion for just because I need the money. After months of searching, I've found myself at a dead end. I'm feeling more and more discouraged every day. I hate having a negative perspective on things and I'm always trying to change my way of thinking because I know "positivity is key." But it's so much easier said than done. I almost feel like a hypocrite now because just a few days ago I was trying to send this message out to everyone, and now here I am fighting to get the tiniest sliver of hope. I have always, always been scared of settling. Whether it was in regards to a job, relationship, anything. I never want to have to settle. I want to know that the choices I'm making are based on what I love, and not out of fear. And I guess now that's what I'm doing. Settling for something because of fear. It's so easy for us millennials to settle for something because of what is expected of us.  At what point will that change? How many people are truly happy with their life and what they are doing? Why is that such a rare thing nowadays? And why does it have to take so much courage to just go out there and do what you love, despite the consequences and risks. I have no idea what my future holds. And I have no idea how to handle everything I'm going through right now. It brings me some ease of mind, however, to know that I'm not alone in feeling this way. I just wish more people were open about it. Maybe we all wouldn't be so scared to take such risks if we knew that more people felt this way, like there was more to life than just getting by.