P.S. You're Not Old

I had a conversation today with my oldest friend (and by oldest, I mean the friend who has been around the longest—since our angst-filled middle school years) and it sparked something in me, something that I think goes through the minds of everyone and seems to start a little after you graduate college and enter "the real world."

When you're 21/22, you feel like you're on top of the world. Hell, you think you're on top of the world even before that, but even more naively so. I've heard it said many times that your college years are the best years of your life. There was even a show called "The Best Years" that focused on a girl in college (anyone remember that on The N?!) I always got so angry when I heard that, though, because first of all, at the time, I thought my college years sucked. As I look back on them now, I yearn to go back way too often, wondering if they really were in fact the best years of my life and I took it for granted. Spoiler alert: they weren't. My best years are still to come. And maybe even my worst years (please no haha). Who knows!

It is so easy to get trapped in this mindset because once we graduate college, we are hurdled into what everyone loves to call "the real world" and with that comes a wave of responsibilities that coincide with all the fun and adventure being sucked out of your life. I'm only 24 years old and I'm already seeing fellow peers getting married, engaged, having babies, getting promotions at work, moving cross-country, etc. It's hard to take a look around your world and think that you're still young, because so many of us are doing such "adult" things.

Part of my conversation with my friend today involved a lot of reminiscing, especially since due to certain circumstances, we're both back in our home town. As we talked about the high school kids of today (and thought about our own high school experience) I got to saying, multiple times, "GOD we're so old." And at that point I'm pretty sure Kate wanted to smack me in the face, because in her eyes we're not old, we're still just babies. And she's right.

We're still in our twenties. We still have years to make more mistakes and learn from them. We still have years to experience new things, meet new people, live in new places. We still have time to figure out what exactly it is that we want to do. We have all the time in the world. Just because we're done with college and expected to do all these things (thank you, society, for all that pressure), doesn't mean we have to. And just because you're 24 and already married and having babies and living your dream life, that doesn't mean you're old either. You still have so much ahead of you, both good and bad. We all do.

I'm done thinking my friends and I have gotten "so old" especially because I know ten years from now I'll look back at this time period and think "What was I thinking! I'm so old NOW!" (Which by the way I won't because I very much plan to implement this new mentality ASAP). If I keep thinking the way I do, then I'm not going to enjoy life. I'm not going to enjoy my twenties and all the upheaval it brings. Because no, we can't drink like we're tanks anymore and we can't go on reckless adventures (or more so don't want to because we've become "responsible" and all that). But that doesn't mean we have to stop having fun. It doesn't mean we can't go on any adventures. It doesn't mean we have to become a corporate drone, and live just to work and get by.

There's no one answer that will satisfy everyone's question of how exactly you do any of the above. For some of you, it may mean you travel—see the world, meet new people, experience new things. For some of you it means picking up a new hobby and/or doing something you never in a million years thought you would do. For others it may simply mean starting your own family, because of course that's an adventure in itself. Some of you may find that simply hanging out with old friends can do the trick. Remembering old memories and making new ones. The answer/solution is different for everybody. The important part is that you get out there and DO something. Get out there and live. Don't get stuck in the past.

When I say that 24 is not old, I also mean that 34 isn't old—neither is 44, 54, etc. It's never too late to change your life. It's never too late to do something new. Sometimes we get too stuck in the past. It's okay to get nostalgic, but don't let it run your life. I say this as someone whose been this way for a very long time. I rarely enjoy the present because I'm stuck in the past (or worried about the future... can I get an amen? Ha.) But I'm trying really hard to change that about myself, and I hope you can, too.

[Kate and I years from now, obviously still complaining about stupid people]

Learning from the tough times

I'm writing a post for the Northeast Bloggers Network about being thankful and grateful this month and making sure you don't skip over the meaning of Thanksgiving with all the hoopla that's going around about Christmas being "right around the corner." Both holidays have the same ideologies, but we tend to skip over what the true meaning of Thanksgiving really is because FOOD, FOOD, FOOD! Trust me, I don't blame any of you for doing that. In my post I talk about how it's important to try and take this month as a time to really think about what you're most grateful for and appreciate the little things, along with the big things. Slow down for a minute and forget about Christmas for just a couple weeks. Instead, focus on giving thanks, on being thankful, on reaching out to others, etc.

In the post I made a short list of ways to be grateful or start your path towards being grateful, and one of them actually spoke out to me the most. I didn't realize it while writing it, but I think this is something that can benefit nearly everyone, especially as this year starts coming to a close. It's common to make a list of what you were thankful and grateful for this year. A list of happy moments, moments of clarity, simple things in life that brought you joy, etc. But what we don't see on those lists? Bad moments. Heart wrenching moments. Moments that leave you a messy pile of tears on the floor as you curl up into a ball and wonder "WHY. WHY ME." Of course we don't list those moments. We rather forget about them. Put them in the past and pretend they never happen, only to creep their way into daily life eventually.

So that's when I thought, instead of listing the greatest moments of your year and why you are thankful for them- why not list the toughest moments of this year and why you are thankful for them. Yes. You heard me. Why you are thankful that life brought you such horrible events filled with pain and suffering.

Hear me out. Even in the darkest of hours, there is always a sliver of light, an ounce of hope. It's something that will no doubt be extremely hard to do, but there is something positive to be found in any of your hardest moments. A lesson learned, a realization of some sort, friends and families you know you can count on, the ability to feel something so deeply that when it's gone it leaves you feeling empty, the list goes on. The hard part will be figuring out what good came from what happened, but once you do it may help you better understand things. It might help you realize that everything happens for a reason, no matter how shitty that reason may be. I think working on this kind of list will really shed some light for you. It will open your eyes and it will help you see life in a new perspective.

Introducing: C&V Adventures!

This has been a project of mine that is loooong overdue. I've been on "staycation" this week and my plan was to finally get all caught up with this new addition to In-Between Life early on in the week, but as usual something got in the way. Not going to lie, I've spent the majority of my vacation week sleeping in and Netflix binging (I'm almost caught up with Pretty Little Liars, guys! No shame...) I currently have two basket loads of laundry sitting in my room, patiently waiting to get put away. I can't believe my vacation week is almost over. Time flies when you don't want it to. Anyway, on to the big announcement!

Although we're still in the very early stages of this new addition/project, I'm really excited to finally be sharing it on my blog. "C&V Adventures" is basically going to be a new take on fashion blogging. You'll get your serious fashion poses (mostly from Cynthia, my perfect model) but you'll also get the goofy side of photo shoots that are inevitable when you're hanging out with me. So think of this new addition to In-Between Life as fashion meets goofy? You'll love it, I promise. 

Although "C&V Adventures" is mostly focusing on the whole fashion aspect of blogging for now (which if you've noticed, I don't really do) it'll probably also incorporate our adventures. Cynthia's been on my blog before (when we went to Washington Square Park together and our Brooklyn wandering) so you'll probably be seeing more of our "adventures" as well. I'm lucky to have Cynthia as my photography muse :) I've always been interested in fashion blogs, but have never really had the passion to turn my complete focus on fashion blogging (plus, that's not really what In-Between Life is all about!) I definitely want to start adding more fashion posts to the blog, though. It's fun! So without further ado, here are some takes from our first "fashion shoot" which more or less was just a bunch of pictures of us goofing off.

Spring day in NYC

Yesterday I got to head into the city with my friend Cynthia (who is quickly becoming my go-to model for my photo seshs) and it was a beautiful spring day. We walked around Washington Square Park which is located right next to NYU, and there were tons of people hanging out there. Trees are finally growing their leaves again, flowers are in bloom, the sun is shining (occasionally...) All this combined made for the perfect spring photo shoot!

Guest Post: Another lost graduate who took a different route post-college

Guest Poster: Erin from This Isn't Woody Allen's Paris

Erin is a dear friend of mine who I met my freshman year of college. We graduated the same year and have been going through similar experiences. After not being able to find a job that she felt would truly make her happy, she made the brave decision of moving to Paris to be an au pair, as well as gain some valuable life experience. She, like many other post-grads nowadays, chose a different path after graduating (and one she most certainly does not regret.) She started a blog to document her experience in Paris, so check it out! Hopefully this fellow graduate inspires some of you to go out and chase your dreams, no matter what they may be.

I, like Val, recently graduated from Rutgers in May (we were actually housemates for two years.)  After graduation was tough. Suddenly, you are plunged into adult life and expected to have your shit together. I tried, I really did, but post grad life was not easy. I had applied to a few jobs with minimal response, and the thought of working as an administrative assistant for the rest of my life seemed like a likely outcome.  

When I finally did get a face-to-face interview for an event planning position at the New Jersey Business and Industry Association, I was so excited. I thought I was the absolute perfect candidate for the job because of my previous experience as an event coordinator in a club at Rutgers.  I thought I was going to have my chance and be one of the few people who gets a job right out of college. I could have been so successful and talk about grown-up things like tax brackets and finding a house. But no, I’m not that lucky, and that would have been way too easy.  Instead of dominating my interview and being offered the position on the spot, I got the stomach flu. I started violently throwing up at two in the morning and didn’t stop until the next night.  Needless to say, I was forced to cancel the interview. I figured vomiting on my interviewer wouldn’t help me get the job. Long story short, I didn’t get it. Shocking, right? Nothing sounds like a more legitimate excuse than “I’m sorry I can’t make it… I think I have some sort of stomach bug.”

Despite being completely embarrassed and disappointed, I now see that fluke illness as one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I’m not implying that I would have gotten the job if I had been able to make the interview, but if I had, I would probably be working there now.   Instead, I am working and living as an au pair in Paris, and I could not be happier. Sure, I could have been an au pair without a college degree, and yes, some people may see my choice as a waste of my education, but nothing could be further from the truth. Since I studied French at Rutgers, this is the perfect opportunity to speak the language on a daily basis and fully immerse myself in the culture. It’s not like I picked a random country on a map and said “hey why not go there.” I knew I wanted to do something a bit different, and I do not regret my decision one bit.

I have received a lot of feedback about my decision to move to Paris (most of which I didn’t ask for), and my choice has really shown me the social pressures we all face after graduation.  Suddenly, after four years of “figuring yourself out,” you are expected to know exactly who you are and exactly what you want. I do envy people who are able to figure that out during college or even high school because their lives are much easier in a certain respect. I, however, still have no idea what I want to do or what kind of person I want to be.  Although I am jealous that other people have everything so figured out, I am also grateful that I don’t.  If I already knew what I wanted, maybe I would have missed out on so many experiences that I now cherish.  Who knows, I could still be in Paris, but most likely I would be sitting in an office typing up a memo that would be read by no one. I never would have been able to travel and accomplish so much. Through my choice to “throw away my education” and “not have a real job,” I have learned so much more about myself than I ever did in college. That being said, I’m still not sure what I want to do, but I do know that Paris is where I belong. I would have never figured that out if I hadn’t puked my brains up before an interview.

I have to be honest, I feel really conceited talking about myself so much. I also want you to know that I don’t think I’m super awesome and free-spirited and that everyone should just pick up and leave for another country. I kind of think I’m a lovely screw up who’s figuring things out as I go and faking it till I make it. I hope this article helps any other confused, unconventional individuals, like myself, feel like they are not wasting anything and that everyone will find themselves in their own time.  

The warmest weekend in months

Naturally, when the weather gets warmer and it's the first really nice day of spring (that falls on a weekend) people come crawling out of their hidey holes like a bunch of ants swarming all over the place and everything is just chaos. That was basically my weekend. While I normally kind of really despise any type of crowds, it was okay this time because the weather was nice and people seemed happy and carefree. Winter is over! I hope. I had plans to do a lot of writing this weekend, but who wants to stay cooped up in their office while the sun is shining and the breeze is blowing through your hair? I promise my blog will get back to having some quality content this week! In the meantime, here are some snapshots of my weekend (all pictures taken with my new Canon Rebel T3 which I am in love with, as you can tell.)

Inspiration Monday: True Friends

    For this week's Inspiration Monday, I wanted to focus on friendships.

Life is rough. It's even harder when you go through it alone. That's why friendships, the real & true ones, are so vital to our lives. Sometimes we get into fights with our friends, sure. It's only natural. What counts is that at the end of the day they will be there for you, no matter what.

I have a few of those in my life and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. We all have our quirks and when you find someone who accepts you for who you are, and loves you regardless of how crazy/annoying you may be... cherish that. All you really need in life is one true friend who you know has your back, despite any obstacles the two of you may face.

This week I want you to focus on all the friendships in your life. Make sure you are giving as much as you receive, and vice versa. Never stay in a friendship that only brings negative vibes to your life. That is not what a true friendship is about. Also realize that friends can't always be there for you 24/7. That doesn't mean they don't care, though. Friendship is all about balance.

Our true friends are the ones that inspire us to be better people, lead better lives. They want the best for you. Let your best friends know how much you appreciate them and care about them. And remember, ff you want true lifelong friends, you have to be one yourself.

Guest Post: An Inspiring Transformation Story

Editor's Note: This guest post is written by one of my closest friends, Jenna, whose story I hope inspires you to make any changes in your life in which you are unhappy with, whether they are about weight or whatever else. All it takes is the courage to take the first step and the motivation to keep going, even when the road gets tough.

Jenna, a 22 year old post-grad working full time in Kansas City

I hadn't noticed, but once I did, I hated myself for letting it happen. Finally, I started to see it. I saw it in the mirror, in photographs, in the look on people's faces, in the size of the fabric stretched tight around me. It took a year, but I finally saw the extra 50 pounds I had packed onto my already overweight body. It seemed the problem was that my confidence was so high and I was so comfortable in my own skin that I didn’t notice the tearing and the stretching around my waistline.

The time came in my life where I moved to a new town. I graduated college and got a full time job with a large moving stipend—every recently graduated college student’s dream. I had it. I packed my small bedroom in my mother’s house in New Jersey and let the moving company take everything I owned to Kansas City, Missouri. It was a huge change. Yes, I was scared. Yes, I was nervous. I cried the whole four hour plane ride. I was forced to leave behind my friends, my family, and those I love the absolute most in the world. In my mind I thought I had made a mistake.

I started my job and met another drama nerd who seemed to understand me a little more than the others. We got together one night for drinks and I started to vent about my feelings of leaving home and how fat I had let myself get. He got quiet, raised an eyebrow, and said, “so fucking do something about it." He was probably one of the first people who didn’t cover it up with something like “but you’re so pretty” or “everyone loves you."

That was the moment I decided to take the plunge.

I started by myself. I cut my calorie intake to 1200 calories a day and would do small 25 minute workouts in the hotel gym I was staying at. A few days in, I knew I was going to be taking this seriously so I gave in and I stepped onto the scale. Tears welled up in my eyes as I read the number. 214.8 pounds. Why did I let this happen to me? I wanted to beat myself up. I wanted to just give up, but I didn’t. I was in a new city: I had left the old behind, it was time to start a new life and build a new me.

I moved into my apartment. I joined a gym. I hired a personal trainer. I started buying all healthy alternatives to foods I had previously indulged. My cabinets and my refrigerator only had healthy options. It was easier to pack my own healthy food and feel good about myself rather than go out to eat with groups of people, only to beat myself up for the 2000 calories I had just consumed.

I took Zumba, MMA classes, yoga classes, weight lifting classes; basically anything the gym had to offer. It didn’t take long and I soon became that girl. That girl everyone in the gym knew. The one everyone was so proud of for losing so much weight and for being so motivated. I knew almost everyone by name by the third month. I lived at the gym. I started to love it. I loved the lifestyle. I loved the results I was getting. I loved putting on my old clothes and watching them fall to the floor.

I quit smoking cigarettes, drinking became a treat, stairs were my friend for the first time in my entire life. Losing the weight has been the best decision I have ever made. I feel comfortable in my own skin. My relationship with the outdoors has grown so greatly. I can outrun, out climb, and out hike my boyfriend, who I had previously held back. I feel good every single day. I’m healthy. I’m happy. I’m ready to live the rest of my life in this mindset. My spunky personality now matches the body that comes along with it.

I’m proud of myself.

I’m still in the process of changing. I now weigh 162 pounds. I started at a size 16 pants and now fit into size 6 jeans. I plan on losing more, but I understand the process will slow as my body becomes used to the amount of exercise I give it. I’m not giving up, though. I’m excited for the future.

Note from the Editor:

I've known Jenna for over ten years now and I've never been more proud of her. She was never a girl who let her weight be an issue and her personality was enough to outshine anyone else in the room. She's loyal, hard working, super friendly and most importantly—one tough bitch. I've watched her change these past few months and although she's always had that "spunky" personality as she says, I now see an extra something in her. I can tell she is happier and that makes me happy for her. She's an inspiration to anyone else who is currently on the path to losing weight, or even changing something about themselves that they are not satisfied with. What I'm most proud of, though, is that she did it the old-fashion way. She worked her ass off at the gym, ate healthy but didn't starve herself and most importantly, she realized this is a lifestyle change, not just a temporary fix.

I've seen many girls become obsessed with their bodies and their self-image, to the point that it becomes unhealthy and they make bad choices. Your weight should never be a factor for why someone likes or doesn't like you. We unfortunately live in a society that makes it so, but you should not let yourself fall into this mindset. If you want to lose weight, do it for health reasons. Do it for you. Not for anybody else. Do it to make yourself happier, but for the right reasons. And don't beat yourself up if you don't get the results you want right away. It's a long and difficult process, but it's one that is worth it. It will make you stronger, not only physically, but mentally, too.

Jenna was a beautiful woman even before the weight loss. You know what made her so special? The type of person she was on the inside. That's what truly counts. Don't ever forget that.

Birthday Weekend Snapshots

A few snaps from my eventful birthday weekend! Although I got a cold right on time for my big day, I still managed to have a fun weekend full of laughs and love.

Woke up to this sweetie pie on my back.

And to a bedside full of tissues and cold medicine...

Made a new friend at work.

Took the kids to Imagine That... selfie in the ballet room

Next day, celebration with friends :)

 

<3

A couple of birthday presents I got!

And even though I'm still sick as a dog and haven't been sleeping at night due to this lovely cough I have going on, I can still manage to put a smile on my face. My ghastly, exhausted face.

Valentine's Day Snapshots

Since I've been single for the majority of Valentine's Days throughout my life, I really don't find it a big deal anymore. Sometimes I do get annoyed with all the hype this made up holiday gets, but it gives me an excuse to stuff my face with chocolate and sweets, so whatever! This V day I made plans with a close friend to get dinner and catch a movie.

We headed over to Don Jose, a favorite Mexican restaurant of ours. The food is great and reasonably priced, and it's BYOB - which is great for poor post-grads like ourselves.

Usually I get the cheese enchiladas, which I LOVE. Their cheese and special sauce is to die for. This time I opted to try something a bit different, so I got their vegetable burritos. I liked the dish as well but felt it was lacking something. The vegetables were a mix of broccoli and cauliflower, but I would have preferred something more like roasted peppers and onions. Most of their dishes come with their homemade beans which are also delicious.

My friend got their plate of nachos, which I believe are listed under their appetizer menu. This dish is great as an appetizer, but I'd definitely get something with more flavor and pizazz as your main dish.

After dinner we headed over to the movie theater to see Endless Love. If you love cheesy romantic movies, you will love this. I am a hopeless romantic so of course I very much enjoyed this movie. The acting was good enough for the type of movie it is and there were some subplots that focused on more than just the love between the two main characters. The soundtrack was also great (I'm a firm believer that the music used in a movie can make or break it.)

After the movie we visited some friends who have two adorable pitbull mixes and I got PLENTY of doggie loving and kisses and even a few ear nibbles. So I got some action on Valentine's Day.

Overall, it was a good Valentine's Day. I woke up this morning to my baby girl Leyla snuggling on top of me. Sometimes nothing beats animal love.