Dating in Your Twenties: Do you know what you want?

Dating is hard enough as it is, but it's even harder when you don't know what you want. Do you want something casual? Do you want to start a serious relationship? Are you looking for someone who can become your best friend? Or are you looking for someone who you can just go out with from time to time? There are ENDLESS possibilities and chances are that 99% of the people you meet (whether dating potential or not) are not looking for the same things you are.

Dating in your twenties changes rapidly as you grow older. You may go from a casual dater to a serious one looking for a long-term commitment. Bar hopping and scoping the crowds gets less and less appealing as you age. For many of you, graduating college means leaving behind a dating pool full of potential significant others. It can also mean leaving behind the one-night stands and the "casualness" that comes naturally while in college. This can be a serious breath of fresh air. However, don't expect the "games" to end just because you left college. For some reason, no matter what age, as long as you're in the dating field—there will always be games to deal with. 

Games and players and all that bull gets frustrating enough as it is while you're young, but as you get older and mature, it becomes a serious nuisance. Dating in your twenties can still be a roller coaster ride, even if you feel yourself maturing and wanting to settle down and get serious with someone. There's not much you can do in how others act or feel, but there are things you can do to make dating in your twenties easier (and less time-consuming).

Let's face it—you don't want to play the field and date someone for awhile only to discover that you were never looking for the same thing to begin with. You don't want to have to keep putting yourself out there only to come up empty handed each time (and sometimes with a broken heart). At least if you're anything like me, you don't want any of these things. For the past couple of years or so I've dealt with a lot of these problems and I've grown exhausted of wasting my time and energy on people who just don't deserve it.

Which is one of the reasons I've found it so important to figure out what it is exactly that you want out of a relationship and what you're looking for in a significant other. You don't have to get all Sex and the City and make a list of characteristics you want in a mate, but having a general idea of what you're looking for is good to have. Another HIGHLY important part of this is making sure you stick to it. Don't make exceptions. For anybody.

For example: You want a relationship. One that may start off casual but eventually get serious. You know in your heart that is what you want. You start seeing someone who seems like the perfect match and you get along great, but he or she is only looking for something casual right now. You may end up getting close and feeling that eventually if you spend enough time together, he/she will change their mind. Truth is the majority of the time that doesn't happen. People don't tend to change. We like to wish and hope they will, but it's a very rare occurrence. If you know right off the bat that they are not looking for the same kind of relationship that you are—back away before it's too late, for your own sake.

These same rules can apply for lots of other things we look for in relationships. Maybe someone in their late twenties knows that eventually they want to get married and have kids but they start dating someone who knows they do not want kids. This person hopes that eventually they will change their mind. What happens after you're in that relationship for a couple years and you bring up the kid situation and they are still firm in their beliefs?

I'm not saying that any kind of dating or relationships you have that don't end up working out is a waste of your time. In fact, many times we end up learning valuable lessons from these people and experiences. It's just important to have a firm idea of what you're looking for when you're dating in your twenties, especially as you start getting older. Sometimes these things don't even have to be related to commitment level. They can be simple wants, such as someone who has the same sense of humor as you or someone who is willing to hang out with you every weekend. The better understanding you have of yourself and what YOU want, the easier it will be to date in your twenties (or just dating in general!)

What is the one thing for you that is non-negotiable when it comes to dating?

Work Tips for the New Young Professional

So you finally landed your first "real" job? Awesome! Congrats! It's a wonderful feeling, especially if you landed a gig doing something you truly want to be doing. You may have had jobs in the past or done internships that help you prepare for your new job, but there's a learning curve with any new job and the better prepared you are for the "professional" world, the more chances you have of succeeding and moving up the corporate ladder, so to speak. It's especially important for young professionals to get a good start on their career. Starting a "real" job can be intimating for many, but as long as you're prepared and know what to do to succeed—you'll be fine.

I only just started my first "real" official post-grad job and so far I'm really liking it, especially since I already have some autonomy and room to share my ideas and help expand the firm on some level. There's always a period of training that comes with any job so don't be too worried about being the new person. Many young professionals feel that because they are new and young, they don't hold as much value to the company they are working for. That's not true at all! Don't let yourself fall into that mindset. From day 1, go in there believing (and confidently knowing) you are a valuable asset to the company.

Although this is my first professional job, I've had many part-time positions in the past that have helped me come up with some of these tips. I've also heard many stories from friends about their work experience that have helped me along the way. Luckily, I was raised by parents who always instilled a strong work ethic that I carry with me today. Thanks to all of this I have come up with this list of work tips that will be helpful for any new young professional starting their career!

[Photo cred: David Wall]

• Keep a planner specifically meant for work to jot down what you did every day. This is especially helpful if you have to report what you did each day and it's also a good way of showing your boss/supervisor that you are actually doing things and not just slacking off. It can also be helpful if you ever need to look back on a day to remember when you did what (trust me, this might save your [work] life one day!) 
• At the start of each day, make a "to-do" list and continue adding to it as you remember things throughout the day. At the end of the day, jot down whatever needs to be done the next day so you don't forget. Starting a new job can be overwhelming because you'll be learning a lot of new things and being trained to do this and that. It's your job to remember what to do and when to do it, because you will only have the excuse of being new for so long. Get into the habit of keeping track of what your responsibilities are and what people are asking of you. If you don't already have some kind of procedures manual, make one of your own for future reference.
• Keep notes of what you have to do in the upcoming days, the following week, that month, etc. Breaking it down into time periods will help you stay organized and on top of things. Make sure you're constantly checking your notes so you don't miss anything. It's probably best to make a reminder of what needs to be done a few days before it's actually do, just in case things get super busy. To get extra organized, print out a calendar for each month and write down important dates for the year ahead—including due dates, events, days off, etc. 
• Have a binder where you can place all important information, your job responsibilities, anything new you learn, etc. This binder will probably save your life at some point. No doubt you will have a lot of training. As you go through training and learn new things, write notes (lots of notes) and then re-write them on the computer (so it's more organized) and print them out. Place it in your binder. Keep sections in your binder so when you need something you'll have an easier time finding it. Can you tell by now how important organization is?
• Don't be afraid to speak up. This goes in two ways. First, if you ever have any doubts or questions, don't hesitate to ask. It's better to find out the right way to do something than to just give it a go and end up making a mistake. Secondly, don't be afraid to speak your mind (in a nice way) just because you're new. Don't be intimated by the fact that you may lack professional experience or you're younger than other people working there. You're your own person and you have valid opinions!
• Plan your outfit the night before OR plan your outfits for the week on Sunday. So far I've been guilty of not sticking to this tip at all. I try to plan outfits the night before (and sometimes I do!) but most of the time I'm scrambling in the morning trying to figure out what to wear (and what's clean...) Trust me, it's not the best way to start off your day. This may or may not be an issue for you, but it's certainly something worth trying out to see if it helps you in any way.
• Go above and beyond. There will be things that are expected of you. Do them. Then there will be chances for you to do things that aren't expected of you or no one even thought about. Do them. This is a great chance to get creative and figure out new ways of doing something or proposing ideas that can help the company. Basically, it's all up to you how you choose to perform. There won't always be time to "go above and beyond" but any opportunity you have to do so, take it. Which leads to the next tip...
• Don't confine yourself to just your job. Sometimes people have this mindset that just because  a certain task isn't part of their responsibilities they shouldn't have to do it. Don't be that person. Be a team player and willing to help out when needed. Obviously your own job responsibilities come first, but if you have the time to help out, you absolutely should. People will take notice of this kind of attitude.
• Arrive early. Yes, sometimes things come up and you end up being late to work. Make it a habit to always be early. When you first start your job, you'll probably need to figure out the best ways of getting there and how long it takes, especially if you're dealing with traffic. That's why it's especially important that you're early your first few days. Most people stick to that. Keep doing it, though. I'm not saying show up half an hour early—but it's always good to plan to get there 15 minutes early or so. If anything it can give you time to grab some coffee before heading in!
• Leave work at work. So this tip may only work for some. There are certainly careers (teachers for example) that require you to bring your work home with you. It also depends on your position and how serious you are about your job, etc. However, when you're a new young professional starting a job can be exciting and overwhelming all at once. You may want to bring some work home (if you're anything like me) but it's best if you leave your work at work. When you get home you want to get the chance to unwind and just relax. If you start bringing work home with you, before you know it you'll become a workaholic and your stress levels will be out the roof. This same tip applies to work problems, gossip, etc. Once you're home, forget about work. Or at least try!

So there you have it folks, my list of work tips for the new young professional! I'm sure I could keep going for days as I brainstorm, but then I'd never get this post published. I'm hoping these tips will help out some of you. I know that after I graduated college I certainly didn't feel ready for any kind of professional job and I think reading some of these tips would have eased my mind a bit. If you ever need any kind of advice when it comes to post-grad work life—don't hesitate to reach out to me!

What are some of your own personal work tips?

Guest Post: Founder of Global Young Executive

I admire people who start up their own business so very much, probably because it's something I would like to see myself doing eventually. When Milly reached out to me to write a guest post for her online magazine, Global Young Executive, I was excited to be able to share her story with my readers. If you haven't noticed yet, In-Between Life focuses around following your heart and pursuing your dreams. This is especially important for people our age: the twenty-somethings. The ones who are just starting at life and have so many opportunities in front of them. I admire Milly for having the courage and determination to start her online magazine. This online magazine in particular is targeted towards young entrepreneurs, so I think many of my readers will find it useful. Check out Milly's bio below and some Q + A about Global Young Executive!

Milly Bygrave is a Business Graduate, Postgraduate Law Student and Founder of Global Young Executive magazine. Milly shares her life as a post-graduate juggling post-graduate study and running an online magazine.

1. When did you set up Global Young Executive and what motivated you?

GYE was set up in July 2014 which the aim of encouraging and inspiring young professionals to pursue their business ambitions. As a business graduate I have experienced first hand the gap between academic study and the reality of real business experience so this magazine aims to also highlight new entrepreneurial talent & connect those who are excited about business.

2. Has it been difficult juggling running a magazine and studying a postgraduate course?

It does require a lot of organisation trying to balance my time between commitments but I am also not the only one working for the magazine so we share the work between everyone. Hettie Reed is the News Review Editor & she takes on a significant role not just in her column but she has recently started sourcing people for interviews, and she works on the social media channels with me too.

3. What has been the greatest achievement of the magazine so far?

So far we have interviewed some interesting and inspirational figures in business so that is always a highlight for us. In our upcoming December issue we have US television personality sharing his views on a topical economic development so that’s very exciting. We have entered the UK Blog Awards so hopefully achieving a position in that will be our greatest achievement of 2015.

4. How does the magazine go about actively supporting young people entering the world of work?

We are partners of Global Entrepreneurship Week, an international initiative that provides the inspiration, tools and platforms for young people interested in starting their own business. Business leaders, organisations and school and universities across the globe get involved.

5.  How has running a magazine helped you as a postgraduate?

Aside from the organisation required with sourcing contributors and scheduling content, and balancing this with my postgraduate studies, having the obvious benefit of making me very disciplined with my time – which is a pretty handy in any workplace setting. It also improves all forms of your communication. I am writing emails on a daily basis to business professionals and writing articles for both my magazine and other online publications. 

Anything else you would like to add?

If any of your readers have an interest in entrepreneurialism, business and embarking on the career ladder + more, then I urge them to check out the magazine and write an article for us!

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Inspiration Monday: When you don't know what to do

Life often presents us with a platter full of options when you least expect it. If you're lucky, you're given something that you are 100% sure about, something that is your absolute dream. So naturally, there's no need to ponder and make a pros and cons list because you already know what your choice will be. The majority of the time, though, life doesn't work that way. We are given options that have both pros and cons and we ultimately have to make a decision, hoping we make the right one. I feel that during your early post-grad years, this is something that happens quite often. They also tend to be scary decisions. Decisions that can affect which direction your life takes off in, decisions that will determine your future. You can either end up extremely satisfied with your decision or completely miserable (and sometimes somewhere in between the two). So what do you do when it's your turn to decide?

If you're anything like me, you'll pretty much ask each of your friends for their opinion/advice. You'll even ask your parents. You'll go around asking just about everyone, because the more insight, the better, right? Maybe. When it comes down to it, you're the only one who can make this decision. You are the only one who truly knows what's best for you. You can ask for all the advice in the world, but chances are deep down, you already know what you're leaning towards. Sometimes it's exactly what people are telling you you should do. Sometimes it's what people are telling you NOT to do. Or in my case, it's somewhere in between. I think one of the reasons we like to ask for advice is so we can hear someone else validate your decision. Sure, there are times when you genuinely don't know what to do so you appreciate an outsider's point of view. Most of the time, though, you already know what you want to do.

But wait. You may know deep down what you want, but on the surface you're freaking out. You don't want to make the wrong decision. For whatever reason, something is stopping you from going in one direction as opposed to the other. That's when the confusing and frustrating part kicks in. Your future is staring you right in the face. Right now my future is staring me right in the face and growling. I'll admit, I'm a little bit terrified.

This time period in life is notorious for making big-time decisions, paving your life path, figuring yourself out, finding out who you truly are, etc. So, naturally, we feel super pressured! We want to make sure we get everything right. We want to succeed. We want to be happy. If only it was easier said than done.

So when you don't know what to do, when you don't know which direction to take, which decision to make, which option on the platter of life to take—don't freak out. Life is all about making mistakes and learning from them. Maybe you'll end up making the wrong decision, but it's a decision you made, no one else. Do you know how lucky you are to even get to do that? Life will inevitably hand you a truck load of decisions and you will have to make some tough ones. Some you'll get right, some you won't. But that's what it's all about. Learning as you go. Figuring out who you are. What you want. And you know what else? You're 100% allowed to change your mind as many times as you want. There is no right or wrong answer here. It's your life and ultimately it's up to you what you do with it.

On making mistakes (constantly)

Lately I've found myself moving backwards. This is kind of how my life has always been. I make a mistake or I learn something (the hard way) but because of it I vow to make some sort of change, whether it's in my way of thinking or just life in general. I do this repeatedly. I always think that this is it, this is the last time, I will not repeat the same mistake. But you know what? 90% of the time I end up right where I started. For every step forward, I take two steps back. Or maybe it's really for every two steps forward, I take one step back? I rather think of it that way, because I know along the way of my many, many mistakes, I'm still learning, progressing and generally trying to make myself a better person.

This past month or so, the whole "unemployed & desperately looking for my dream job" thing has taken a toll on me. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't struggling. Having a job, even if it was just a "nanny" job, kept my life in perspective and kept me more or less sane. I had a responsibility, one that I took very, very seriously, and somehow that also kept my head on my shoulders. I don't think I really realized the full extent of that until it was gone. I found myself kind of back to where I was immediately post-graduation, during one of the more difficult periods of my life, and although I do feel I have changed tremendously and matured, I had the sense that I had taken a giant leap backwards in life.

That's when I started repeating past mistakes. When I started to find myself on the edge of a cliff and extremely scared of what would happen if I let myself fall off. I want to have control of my life, I want to follow my dreams and pursue my passions, but fear has gotten in the way so many times. I felt that because I didn't have my "shit together" so to speak, I was a failure. Thus, it's okay for a failure to repeat past mistakes and pretend as if she's never learned her lesson, the hard way, multiple times.

The mistakes I made? I'm not going to go into detail about them. Those who are close to me probably already know and they know that it's been a struggle for me for awhile. Maybe if they've also paid close attention to my life, they are mistakes I make when things are rough. I like to share my personal life on here because I hope that I'm able to connect with other people and reach out to those who are struggling as well. While I would love to pour my heart out about all of this, there's only so much I can say, and even saying all of this is very personal to me. But there is a point in this story. A big one.

It's okay to make mistakes. It's okay to keep making the same mistakes. It's okay to feel awful about it and it's even okay to not really care. You may have friends or family who will try to talk sense into you or you may even find yourself trying to talk sense into you, only to head back down that nasty road once again. Whether it's mistakes you're making with your relationships, with your family, with your friends, with your health, with your personal life, etc., it won't matter what other people say or do to try and make you change until you finally realize that you need to change.

One classic example I can think of that perfectly exemplifies this situation is when you have a friend who keeps making the same mistakes in his/her love life, no matter how many times you tell them to stop. I have had a couple friends who kept making the same mistakes, or more so hung on to the same mistake, for a very long time. You can give people all the advice in the world, but they won't change until they themselves realize everything. They'll probably even come to this realization more than once and just when you think "FINALLY!" they are back at it again. Don't give up on them, though. Don't give up on yourself. You keep making that same mistake? Someday you finally won't.

It's different for everyone, but we all have that "aha" moment or that real reason for wanting to make a change, but when you do that's freakin' awesome. You have reached your tipping point. You'll finally realize: it's time to change. It's time to stop repeating those mistakes.

I reached my tipping point recently. I don't know what makes this time different than any of the others (although I'm kind of starting to get a sense of it), all I know is I want to put an end to these mistakes that leave me feeling so crappy. We all make mistakes, all kinds of mistakes. Sometimes we make certain mistakes more than once. Sometimes we learn from them, sometimes we don't. What's important is that you realize you can change. It may take a lot of guts and a lot of courage and strength on your part, but it's possible, I promise.

Next time you find yourself making a mistake (even if it's something silly like making a typo on an important email) don't beat yourself up about it. It's okay to feel bad and it's okay to kind of freak out, but at most give it a day. Then after that period of "mourning", get back on your feet and try again.

True Life: I'm 23 years old and already crippled by debt.

Of course this post is coming to you from someone who is currently unemployed and has all the time in the world to rage about this issue that is affecting who knows how many students across the country right now. But the issue isn't just about unemployment. It's the fact that I can't seem to do anything that twenty-something's should be doing. I can't move out of my parent's home and start being independent. I can't move to another city because of this. I can't experience the new-ness that comes with being on your own, whether it's close to home or somewhere new. I can't even travel because I don't want to spend a single penny on something that so many have the privilege to do but take for granted all the time. I haven't taken a vacation of my own, ever. I have considered traveling or visiting friends in other states or countries for months now, but I haven't been able to because I don't want to wipe out my very small savings account and max out the credit cards I have already had to open even though I swore I would never succumb to that.

I'm only 23 years old, at the "prime" of my life as many people seem to say, and there are so many things I want to be able to do, I SHOULD be able to do, but can't do because I am already crippled by the debt that student loans has brought me. I am crippled by the very society that raised me to believe a college education would get you everything your parent's didn't have but always wanted for you, only to be facing some very serious issues that years ago twenty-somethings did not have to worry about for years to come (if ever).

Is it my fault? Should I have chosen a different major? Should I have pursued a different career path? Something I didn't love but was more practicable? Something that would have made me the big bucks? Should I have put more effort in school? Should I have worked a job while attending school full time (with crazy hours) just so I would have something to show for when I finally graduated? Should I have taken on tons of internships? Is a college education even enough anymore? No, it kind of isn't.

I'm finding that I can't even get a job that doesn't require a college degree (but that many places now deem a "requirement" as if filing paperwork and taking phone calls requires four years of upper education...) I can't get those simple entry-level jobs, even if they don't require experience, because there are other people out there who do have experience who are applying for the same jobs and willing to take those jobs at entry-level salaries (which even then are very underpaid) because they have no other option. The job market is literally hell right now and I feel like I'm standing in the middle of a battlefield with no weapon, just a sweet smile and apparently a pitiful resume.

Everyone I talk to about this has a story to tell. They're either in the same boat or a very similar situation. You know what's the scariest part about all of this? What is our generation going to do when it comes time for us to start buying our own homes? Will we even be able to? At what age are you expected to finish paying off your loans? Is the interest going to eat you alive? 

I'm really not trying to be a debbie downer and I certainly know there are worse problems/issues out there. But the fact is, this is an issue that is VERY real and that MANY people face and many more will continue to face. Nothing is changing. To be honest, I don't even know where we would begin to make changes that can help. Sure, maybe student loan forgiveness is one step in the right direction. But is that really even a feasible option? What will even fix this deplorable job market? It's been this way for a long time and now us post-grads are paying for it (literally and figuratively). 

Who knows what the future holds. If I can give anyone going through similar struggles right now some advice, it'd be this:

Hang in there. You're not alone. Become an active citizen and fight for your rights. Go out and vote. Educate yourself on what you can do. Don't give up hope. Make a plan. Make a list. Don't worry. Or just try not to worry as much. We may have been utterly screwed by past decisions but the future is in our hands and we (hopefully) have the power to change it.

Pursuing my dream job

Many of you bloggers may be familiar with the "Blogtober" challenge with the goal of blogging every day in October. At first I thought I'd give it a go, but honestly I've been the laziest bum ever these past couple of days. I've let sucky times get the best of me and resorted to laying in bed sleeping and/or Netflixing (can that become a word?) all day (and night...) I haven't been very productive. Being jobless sucks. You'd think having all this free time would mean I FINALLY catch up on all these projects I've started and such, but my motivation is seriously lacking. I actually had to slap myself in the face today to snap out of this mopey mess I've become. I absolutely dread getting sucked back into that hole of post-grad misery I faced about a year ago, so I am absolutely not going to let myself get to that point. I have been applying to jobs, but jobs that actually interest me/are relevant to what I want to be doing with my life are lacking, so who knows where the road may take me...

Anyway, I'm getting off topic. The point is, I was scrolling through my blog newsfeed and I noticed that today's Blogtober challenge is to write about your dream job, which is funny because that's exactly what I've been thinking about for awhile now. I know I always say I don't know what I want to be doing with my life or what direction I want to go in, but deep down I actually do know what my dream job is. I know exactly what I want to do. The problem is that I'm too scared to pursue it. I'm too scared to lack financial security. I'm too scared of failing at something that actually means the world to me. I'm too scared to actually get started and pursue that dream job.

The funny thing is I've known what my "dream job" is since I was a kid. I just never really acknowledged it until recent years. It's not an easy job and it's not something that many people are successful at. It's a job that if I do pursue, I want to be the very best at, and it scares me to think that I won't be. How will I ever know if I don't try, though?

Okay, ready? My dream job is... to be an author. Surprise, surprise. A blogger whose dream job is to be an author (absolutely no shock factor there, sorry for the suspense). The thing is, it's not something I really tell people. Or at least haven't gotten to telling people until very recently. I feel that especially in today's world, it's not really a viable career option—to be an "author". I don't want to be just a "writer", I want to actually be an author—someone who writes books and books that people actually enjoy. I'm always so critical of books that get turned into movies, but you know what? That would rock my world. If that ever happened I think it would possibly be the high point of my life. This isn't really something I've told to anyone, and here I am putting it on my blog for the whole entire world to read. I guess in a way it's like giving myself a kick in the butt. Now that I've told all of you, I actually have to follow through with it.

And that's exactly what I plan to do. I am jobless right now. So even though I will be applying for jobs, I'm going to take the free time I have now to not only work on this blog that I have come to love so much, but also finally get started on all that book business. I have tried before, but it was a pretty weak attempt. I know that even if I do get a job, I will continue to pursue my "dream job" so to speak. I guess that would mean I have two jobs. Writing may be a hobby of mine right now, but if I were able to actually make a career out of it... well that would be a huge thing to cross off my bucket list (I think meeting Leonardo DiCaprio would be number one on that list, no shame).

We all have dream jobs. We all have ambitions and goals that we'd like to some day reach, but sometimes fear gets in the way. Sometimes life gets in the way. Don't let it! Don't let anything stop you from pursuing your dream job. It's never too late. Seriously. Life is too short to just live day to day life. Even if your dream job is way off the charts and literally impossible to pursue, make a list of other things you want to accomplish. Things you know that you absolutely can accomplish if you just set your mind to it. A bucket list, basically. Make one today if you don't already have one. Check on it regularly. Pursue that list.

And as my favorite actor playing my favorite character from my favorite movie says...

In Between Jobs: a.k.a. back to square one

So here I am, {somewhat} back to where I was at last fall. JOB-LESS! Ugh. I've been working as a part-time nanny for the past 7 months or so for this great family, but decided I needed to search for something full-time and also more relative to what I want career-wise (which to be honest, still no clear cut decision there.) I gave a month's notice and was hoping within that time of applying and interviewing (ahem, just one interview) I'd find a job so I wouldn't be  "in between jobs."

Alas, here I am. Back on that road we call life: still no map, still no direction, still scared out of my f?!ing mind. But that's what being a post-grad twenty-something is all about nowadays, right?

Compared to how I was a year ago, however, I am much more cool and collected about this dilemma I'm in. No, I don't have everything figured out. Yes, I have bills and loans to pay. Yes, I worry about my future. And no, I don't want to settle for a job that I know I will hate. Which makes this whole process that much more complicated. So many post-grads settle for jobs they know are mediocre. I don't want to have to be that person. I'm lucky I have parents who help support me, but I certainly want to be independent—and the sooner the better! 

It all just kind of sucks though, doesn't it? We not only have to compete with an atrociously awful job market but we also usually end up settling for whatever comes our way because what else can we do? It's even harder for people like me. I have a creative soul. I ooze creativity. I hate the regular 9 to 5 routine (but I know I wouldn't if I were doing something I love.) I have so many ideas and thoughts circling through my mind that I can't even sleep at night because my mind never shuts off. I wish I could use all of these skills and talents I have and actually make a career/income out of it, but in today's world "creative" fields are extremely difficult to get into. And even then, sometimes you have to settle for something that is only vaguely related to what you want to be doing in order to just gain some experience. Because how can we forget—they won't hire you if you don't have experience, but you can't get experience if no one hires you! Oh.

As you can tell, I'm a little fed up with this whole job searching conundrum. I'm kind of just fed up with everything a post-grad has to go through. I don't want to be bitching and whining about it all, but it gets terribly exhausting and discouraging. Our generation is so different from past generations (or maybe not so much that we're different, but older generations have forgotten what it's like to be our age... also we live in sucky times.) Post-grad twenty-somethings get such a bad rep and it really pisses me off. How dare we want something different than what everyone else is doing? How dare we want to change the world we live in? How dare we not have a job yet and still be mooching off our parents? There are so many jobs out there! Sure! I'll be a secretary/somebody's bitch! Sure! I'll work at a job that pays $10 an hour even though I went to school for four years in order to NOT have to settle for that! SURE!!!

Okay, rant aside and all, I don't want to sound discouraging. I know there are lot of people out there feeling just as I am or in similar situations. I'm annoyed, yes, but I haven't lost hope. It's super, super important to stay optimistic. Not only are you doing yourself (and your sanity) a favor, but the universe tends to throw good things your way if you keep a positive vibe. It's tough out there, but know you're not the only one dealing with all this BS. Life has a way of working itself out, so just hang in there. In the meantime, please feel free to join me in my rant and let out all that steam!

Millennial Talk: Your job does not define you.

Something I've struggled to learn in my past year as a post-grad, and only recently have begun to realize, is that your job, or what you do for a living, does not define you. In some cases: sure, it does. There are people out there who get paid for doing their hobby. There are people out there with careers they are completely passionate about and it revolves around who they are as a person. But the majority of us end up doing something completely irrelevant to what our "hobbies" and interests may be. 

Our generation in particular is prone to having quarter life crisis' because we find ourselves at jobs that we aren't crazy about, doing things we have no passion for. We were brought up with these ideals: pursue what you love, study what you enjoy, don't worry about the rest because it will all fall into place. But now, we're faced with an economic disaster, bombarded by loans and nowhere to turn. Almost everyone I talk to at this age truly hasn't got a clue what they're doing, or what they'll end up doing. Many post-grads find themselves working for the first job that comes their way once they graduate and a lot end up miserable. The reasons for this vary completely based on each individual, but it seems a lot of us are on the same boat. We simply don't know where to turn to anymore.

One of the reasons we are faced with such a dilemma is because we live in a workaholic society. People here make their job their life. Some have no option. Others just slowly enter this never ending dreadful cycle and then don't see a way out. Your job should not, and does not, define who you are as a person. Don't let that happen. You may be at a job that bores you or you see no real interest or future in, but that doesn't mean you should let it make you dread waking up every morning. It's true that we live in a society in which we spend much of our day at work, and sometimes feel there is little time for anything else, but don't let yourself fall into that mindset. There is certainly enough time in the day, in the week, to work your job and still have time to do what you love and work on your hobbies. Don't have a hobby? Find one. Find what you have a passion for and work on that. Who knows, maybe in the long run you'll be able to turn that into a form of income. But even if you don't, it doesn't matter. You are not your job. What makes you you is what you have passion for, what you believe in, what you do in your free time.

While I believe that life is too short to settle for anything less than extraordinary, sometimes we need to be realistic and find a balance. Since graduating college, I've found myself questioning my future a lot. As I'm sure many other post-grads do. One of my biggest fears is not figuring out what I want my career to be and essentially not living up to my true potential because of all these obstacles that get in the way. It's really scary when you're staring at your entire future and all the potential and possibilities, with about a gazillion paths to take and you are utterly confused. I still feel this way, almost all the time, but what has started to make me feel somewhat more at ease is the realization that whatever my job ends up being, doesn't really matter. It's just a job. It's not who I am. 

Inspiration Monday: Take a step back and reflect

This is the last Monday before Labor Day, which in my eyes at least, basically means summer is coming to an end. Fall is right around the corner, which excites me because it is one of my favorite seasons, but that means summer is over and that's always a sad thing. Every summer holds so many possibilities and adventures. If you're anything like me, you start off your summer extremely excited for what this one holds for you... what awaits you. What might change and what might not. Sometimes you start off with a huge list of expectations, only to find yourself at the end of the summer totally bummed out. But then there are some summers that are so great that they will live in your memory forever and ever. What kind of summer did you have this year?

Since we're reaching the end of something and the beginning of something new, it's a good time to take a step back and reflect. Truthfully, this is something you should do often, not just when one season ends and another begins. Sometimes we just need to take a step back from all the chaos, especially the chaos that goes on in your mind, and truly reflect on your life. Everything that's happened thus far, what has changed for you and what has not, where you'd like to be, etc.

As only natural for me, I've been doing a lot of reflecting the past few days, since my summer is coming to an end. It did not in the least bit go the way I thought it would when it had first started, but that's okay. I've come to accept the way things have played out for me. I learned a lot about myself this summer (or rather, realized that I had already known all along). Looking back at where I was a year ago—a totally lost post-grad freaking out about what to do with my life and my career—I think I've come a long way. Although I think we will always feel a little bit "lost" so to say, I certainly don't feel as lost, confused and scared anymore.

I now have a clear idea of what I want my career path to be, it's just a matter of working really hard to get an opportunity. And time. Time is always a bitch. But, that's how it goes. In other parts of my life, I'm feeling more level headed as well. I haven't felt "myself" in a very, very long time, but I am starting to finally feel more like the "real Val." I'm sure there will be setbacks and more ups and downs, but I'm ready for them. Maybe the events of this summer, this entire year, were necessary in order for me to do a complete roundabout and realize these things. Who knows.

So for this Inspiration Monday, I'd like you to take a step back and reflect. You can reflect on your summer, or your past year, or your entire life! Clear your mind and really think about things. Take your time to analyze. Look at everything with a new perspective. Sometimes, that's all we really need.

Life Lessons: Never put your eggs all in one basket

It's a saying we've all heard before, but how many of you actually go by this rule? I know I have the tendency to put all my eggs in one basket... only to have said basket break/fray away/explode and there go all my eggs. The funny thing about this expression is that in can apply to so many areas in your life.

By definition "never put your eggs all in one basket" is a proverb that "warns against pinning all your hopes on one course of action." When you hear this it's usually being applied to some kind of investment or anything pertaining to money. But it's a valuable lesson for all parts of your life and the sooner learned, the better.

The first time I received this type of advice was when I was 13 years old. It came from my cousins who are older than me, around 16 and 17 at the time. They didn't say those exact words, but the same lesson applied. I was falling head over heels for a guy (for the first time really, so I was super naive) and they probably saw how silly I was being, especially since they were older and had more experience in the dating world. The advice came after I told them that no, I wasn't interested in that "super cute" boy at the water park because I was already "involved" with someone else (which I only later found out that no, we were not "exclusive"). They told me I should never just have one boy around and that it's okay to "play the field" so to speak. Of course, this was said in a joking manner, but it held a lot of truth to it. They were right. Oh my goodness, how right they were. It's a lesson that I'm still learning as I go through life. Unfortunately, I'm an old fashioned soul, who likes to stick to just one person. Someone who basically likes to put "all my eggs into one basket" when it comes to dating. It's simply because when I know I like someone enough, that's that. I naively expect the same in return. But life doesn't always work that way. That's a whole other story though (which I go into further detail in my online dating post). 

Okay, so now you get the point that this saying can certainly apply to the dating world. But the real reason I thought of writing this post was because I related to the saying in terms of work and jobs. As a post-grad, you'll probably be applying to jobs left and right. Maybe you just graduated and are looking for that dream job, maybe you're already working and in search of another job, maybe you graduated a long ass time ago and still searching for a job, period. You start applying to jobs and sometimes you get lucky and hear back from places right away. Other times (cough cough) you apply for weeks.. months... and still hear nothing. It's discouraging and frustrating. So, of course, when you hear back from one job and it could potentially be your dream job, you're practically about to burst with excitement. Good for you, because you should be excited! But, wait.

I'm in a similar position right now, and for a short while I started "putting my eggs all in one basket" once again. I day dreamed about my possible future with this company, what the future had in store for me, what it would be like, blah blah blah. Of course having that "can do" attitude doesn't hurt and it's good for you to really believe that you're going to get the job, but I know from experience that you shouldn't expect anything. So even if you get the interview, even if you move along to the next step of the process, even if it all seems so promising and exciting, don't stop applying to jobs. Keep applying. Keep working for your future. Just in case one basket falls apart, you still have other ones being filled in.

Don't do this.

Have you ever put your eggs all in one basket, only to have it go terribly wrong?

What do you think of this saying/lesson? Do you agree or disagree?

Why I Don't Online Date (anymore)

OkCupid. Tinder. Plenty of Fish. Blah, blah, blah. I've tried them all. On multiple occasions and at different times in my life. I always heard "good" things about them, so I was always willing to try, hoping I would be one of the lucky ones who actually managed to meet someone special. To be honest, it's also getting extremely difficult to meet new people once you've graduated college (one of my professors once said that if you hadn't found who you were gonna marry by the time you graduated college your chances of finding someone dropped dramatically... jeez.) Thus, many of us resort to online dating. It only makes sense in this world of technology and social media. For many people, online dating is a success for them. It's perfect for what they want, right now in their life. But it is not for everyone. As for me? I'm done with online dating. And I will explain to you why.

First, I'd like to credit my inspiration for writing this post. Someone on Facebook shared this article from Elite Daily on the hook-up culture that seems to have infiltrated twenty-somethings everywhere.  Reading through it, while I agreed with most things (but not all), I was somewhat comforted in knowing that at least I'm not alone in the struggle. Dating is hard enough as it is, but in today's world? It's getting ridiculous. Real communication is dwindling out fast. Surely the rise of technology and social media are somewhat to blame, but can we really put the entire blame on that fact alone? At some point, our culture changed. At some point, people stopped trying. People stopped putting in real effort. People decided they were better off not committing, because something better could always be just around the corner. Our generation is a weird one. We're jaded. We want it all and we want nothing all at the same time.

The first time I gave online dating a try was with OkCupid, and let me tell you, there are some freaky ass people out there. I got the weirdest messages. When I would try to talk to someone, conversations always fell short. People's profile summaries and descriptions were over the top. They were trying too hard. I may be an asshole, but I rolled my eyes at pretty much every single one. Second time around I went in with a more positive, can-do attitude. Met someone. Was going great. Until it was clear I had been played. What got to me the most was that they couldn't even be up front about it. No honesty, no communication. I'm sorry, I thought we were all adults here? Guess not.

On my third try (third time's the charm, right?) I was literally at the point where it was just whatever, let's keep using this app because I'm bored kind of thing, but I ended up meeting someone amazing. I truly felt like I was dating a friend. We dated for a couple months, and I wish I could tell you I was another one of those rare successful online dating stories - but alas, I am not. Long story short, miscommunications occurred, or minds changed, or whatever, and it was decided they were looking for something more casual and I was left with my mouth agape, wondering what on Earth it takes to actually make a lasting and meaningful connection with someone. Maybe if that is what you're looking for, like I am, online dating is not for you. 90% of people who join these online dating sites are a product of "the hook-up culture" that is spreading its way through our 20-something society. I'm also not blaming this new dating culture on why I haven't had success, or why these certain relationships didn't work out for me. I'm not trying to say I'm perfect and it's everybody else's fault, because I know I am far from that. I've just come to realize that what I'm looking for specifically in who I date, I'm most likely never going to find through one of these sites. It takes a lot of energy and a lot of trust and commitment on your own part to give someone a chance (at least for me, someone whose had her fair share of let downs) so going through the process of online dating is extremely exhausting.

I'm not trying to discourage you, or make you second guess yourself, especially if you've recently met someone through online dating and things are going well. I actually have a friend who met someone on OkCupid and right after their first date, went off to travel together and now they are in a happy relationship and living together. So who knows, you may be one of the lucky ones. It's good to be aware of what you're getting yourself into. Don't expect a fairy tale ending and always, always put yourself first.

I think part of the issue with us twenty-somethings and dating is that people have forgotten how to properly communicate. Or they're too scared to. No one wants confrontations. No one wants fights or heart breaks or whatever comes with being honest with someone. So maybe that's why a lot of us resort to just letting things "play out" or just slowly ignoring someone until they get the hint. Maybe that's why a lot of us will text and not call someone. It's easier to hide emotions through texts. It's easier to be ambiguous through texts, or emails. It's easier to hide behind technology. Of course no one wants to be the bearer of bad news, but trust me, sometimes you're doing the person a favor by just being flat out honest with them from the start. And if you find yourself in a situation in which the other person is playing games or not communicating sufficiently enough, don't be afraid to speak up. Have the courage to stand up for yourself. You deserve to be treated with respect.

So there you have it. That is why I do not online date anymore. You may wonder, where can someone like me find people to date then? The answer: I'm still trying to figure that out.

Guest Post: A Year of Self-Discovery

Hello! My name is Raewyn and I blog over at Be a Warrior Queen! You may have seen me hanging out over here this past month...in case you missed me, here's a little about me! 

I'm one of those people that can be loud and in your face, but in the most loveable way ever. I try my best to always be happy and find the positive. My blog is one part being positive and another part starting a movement. I want to start a magazine to empower young women and girls to be themselves unashamedly.  I have a pick up truck named Chuck the Truck; my favorite clothes are 1950s inspired and I drink tea like it's going out of business. I just married my best friend of ten years and couldn't be happier! I would love if you'd stop by my blog and we could become the best of friends!

About a month or two ago, one of my guy friends tried to send me on a covert mission to find out if the girl he is dating wants to be serious. Being the person that I am, I obliged, but with a few questions and reservations for him because she is 21.

I don't have anything against anyone being 21 and in a relationship - I've had friends who got married while they were 21. From my experience, 21 is best served single and full of discovery. Before you get in a tizzy, I'm not saying anyone should break up, I'm just referencing my amazing year of self-discovery, so hear me out.

The month following my 21st birthday, I moved across the street from my ex-boyfriend. We went from a long distance relationship that we couldn't last in, to neighbors who were broken up. I'm not going to lie to you, I snuck in his window a lot and I made a lot of bad decisions when it came to him that year.

I wouldn't change a thing.

You see, I needed to make mistakes and get black out drunk. I was always more of a good girl, and I needed to embrace my wild side to find out where I'm most comfortable. If you're more of a wild child, perhaps you need to take a year of celibacy and reflection. Of course, we're all different. Regardless, self-discovery is best served alone. 

Alone with your thoughts and actions. You should make decisions for yourself, alone. Be a little bit reckless.

When I was 21, I learned a whole lot about myself. I dated a bunch of guys (oh lawd do I have some stories), and kissed a bunch of guys. I went on girl dates and girl trips. I went to way too many concerts - that's a lie, there is no such thing as too many concerts - and flirted with quite a few bands.

photo credit: Daniel Meron

I paid my rent from the tips I made as a food runner. I drove a pick up truck that liked to die on me. I took classes and didn't read the books (well, I still got straight A's somehow).

Write letters to the people who negatively impact you, and thank you cards to those that help you find yourself. Start a blog. Write in a journal. Travel for an extended amount of time.

What I'm trying to say is I took a year for me. It doesn't matter if that year is when you're 18, 21, 30, 52...just take a year to truly discover who you are. Those who love you will understand, because they've needed that year, too.

A Year of Transformation: What I've Learned Since Graduating

Do you ever look back at where you were a year ago and realize just how much has changed? I do that all the time. I love looking back. It used to be that I'd look back and get upset because sure, things changed, but never in the way I wanted them to. In the past I tended to have a much more negative outlook on life. I was the definition of "Negative Nancy," constantly being told by friends to be more of a "Positive Polly." I just couldn't, though. There were times in my life in which I refused to accept that there was anything positive in my life and that everyone else had the things in life that I wanted, that I believed I "needed" in order to be truly happy.

I have come a long way from being Ms. Neg Nanc. It's taken a couple of years and a lot of struggle (riding a roller coaster of ups and downs) but I feel I can finally say I am where I need to be in life. Things aren't perfect, because they never are (and the sooner you realize that and accept it, the sooner happiness will come to you.) I look back at where I was one year ago (if we're using exact dates, it was around the time of my graduation party) and feel my outlook on life has gone through a complete transformation. A good one. A positive one.

It wasn't easy. There were months of struggle. Months of let downs. Plenty of times I wondered if things would ever look up. My life sure was changing, but in the worst possible ways. Suddenly, I started to realize the most important lesson I might ever learn:

Your attitude determines the direction your life will go in.  

My one year of being a college graduate has certainly been an intense one, simply because of the inner battles I faced with myself every day. It's a really difficult transition for so many of us and it's so easy to get trapped in the "Negative Nancy" mindset. But it's important to realize that you're the one who determines your future as well as your happiness. The first step? Be more positive. Even an ounce of positivity a day can lead to better things. The attitude you adopt will always have an impact on your life.

Look at life as an adventure rather than a battle. No, things will not always be rainbows and sunshine, and yes, you will have some awful heart wrenching moments to get through, but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

I still have those moments in which panic strikes and I start to worry about my future or worry that things will suddenly take a turn for the worse and I'll be spun into a spiral of despair (being a tad dramatic here) but when that happens I just do my best to hold on and keep reminding myself to stay positive. We're only human, so we can't be Positive Polly's 24/7. But that's okay! What counts is that you keep trying.

 I hope each and every one of you has the power to keep a positive outlook on life, despite whatever hardships and setbacks you may be facing. I know it's tough, but you owe it to yourself to at least give it a shot. Every single day!

You only need one person to support your decisions: Yourself.

Sometimes people aren't going to support the decisions you make. They will disagree with you, they will criticize you. Especially if it's something outlandish. Sometimes these people are your own friends or family. Believe me, I know how much that can hurt. We look to these people for support and the last thing we need is them disagreeing, wholeheartedly, with the choices you are making. Especially if it's something so important and life-altering for you.

But you know what? If you find yourself in a situation such as this, such as the one I am in right now—to put it nicely, f*** them. As great as it'd be to have people backing you up, happy for your own happiness, no matter how you may find it, in the real world that doesn't always happen. As you grow older you will notice many people disagree with you. When I was younger I tried my best to please others, please the crowd, go with the status-quo, simply because it was easier. Not because it made me any happier. Now that I'm growing up and becoming more comfortable with who I am and who I want to be, it's getting easier to not let it get to me when someone doesn't agree with my life choices. Because at the end of the day—it's my life. It's your life. Do what makes you happy. No matter what that may be.

That's the message I want to send out today. While they are lyrics from a song (Pumpin Blood by NONONO) those words hold so much truth. You can create your own happiness and you have the ability to control your own happiness, too.

Since graduating college, I am beginning to find myself more and more each day. I look back to where I was a year ago and I can't even believe how far I've come, in so many aspects of my life. You always hear about people "finding themselves" in college, but sometimes that all begins to truly happen once you're done with school, once you've finally started the rest of your life.

So do yourself a favor and be your own support system. Of course there will be friends and family who are there to support you, but sometimes in life you will find yourself standing alone. That is when you need to learn that you are enough. Be brave, and fight for your own happiness.

Learning to Say No

I realized that my posts lately have been entertainment-related and I haven't written any serious "advice" worthy posts in a long time. In-Between Life is meant to be a mix of everything that goes on in the head of a twenty-something and all the things we experience in life during this transitional period, with all of its ups and downs. Sometimes it's fun stuff, but sometimes it's on the darker side. That's why today I want to focus on something that many of us need to learn, or at the very least be reminded that you are your own person and no one should force you into doing something you are not comfortable with.

Learning to say no. It's such a simple word, yet it holds so much power. If you ever say no, people should respect your wishes, no matter what the circumstances may be. You are an adult, you can make your own choices now, and no one should be making these choices for you. And yet, many times we find ourselves consistently saying no, over and over again, and people keep on pushing you to change your mind.

I was inspired to write this post after remembering an awful experience I had last summer. I will not go into heavy details over what happened, but let's just say it involved alcohol and peer pressure. I said no plenty of times. I knew what I wanted, and in no way was I looking to get "trashed" that night. But people push you to do things you don't want to, even if you're repeatedly shaking your head and saying "no, thank you." It's because of my nice nature and inability to displease people that I got myself into that mess. Thankfully, I was one of the lucky ones and the situation could have been much, much worse. I'm sure hundreds of college girls experience this, and sometimes it can easily be avoided if you just say "no."

Sometimes it's hard to say no, especially when someone is pressuring you into saying yes. That's where you need to learn to be assertive and not be afraid to do so. Respect yourself and what you want, don't let anyone try to convince you otherwise. Don't give in just to be nice. Don't give in just so people will stop bugging you. If people can't respect your decision, they don't deserve your respect, either. If you can walk away, do so. If you're stuck in the situation, try your best to cope with it, but never give in.

While this post is kind of leaning towards the whole saying no to the typical alcohol and drugs scenario in college, I really want people to learn to say no in all aspects of their life. We find ourselves getting into situations we really don't want to be in, or places we really didn't want to go to, or doing someone a favor that you just were not up for, simply because you didn't want to say no. But if it's something that your inner voice is literally screaming "NO!!!" then LISTEN TO IT!

Being assertive is not being a "bitch." Being assertive does not mean you're being mean or aggressive. It just means you know what you want, and you won't back down. It means you respect yourself. Learning to say no can truly be a very difficult thing to do, but by doing so, I promise it will benefit you in so, so many ways.

"ABOVE ALL,

BE THE 

HEROINE OF

YOUR LIFE,

NOT THE

VICTIM."

-Nora Ephron