Learning to Say No

I realized that my posts lately have been entertainment-related and I haven't written any serious "advice" worthy posts in a long time. In-Between Life is meant to be a mix of everything that goes on in the head of a twenty-something and all the things we experience in life during this transitional period, with all of its ups and downs. Sometimes it's fun stuff, but sometimes it's on the darker side. That's why today I want to focus on something that many of us need to learn, or at the very least be reminded that you are your own person and no one should force you into doing something you are not comfortable with.

Learning to say no. It's such a simple word, yet it holds so much power. If you ever say no, people should respect your wishes, no matter what the circumstances may be. You are an adult, you can make your own choices now, and no one should be making these choices for you. And yet, many times we find ourselves consistently saying no, over and over again, and people keep on pushing you to change your mind.

I was inspired to write this post after remembering an awful experience I had last summer. I will not go into heavy details over what happened, but let's just say it involved alcohol and peer pressure. I said no plenty of times. I knew what I wanted, and in no way was I looking to get "trashed" that night. But people push you to do things you don't want to, even if you're repeatedly shaking your head and saying "no, thank you." It's because of my nice nature and inability to displease people that I got myself into that mess. Thankfully, I was one of the lucky ones and the situation could have been much, much worse. I'm sure hundreds of college girls experience this, and sometimes it can easily be avoided if you just say "no."

Sometimes it's hard to say no, especially when someone is pressuring you into saying yes. That's where you need to learn to be assertive and not be afraid to do so. Respect yourself and what you want, don't let anyone try to convince you otherwise. Don't give in just to be nice. Don't give in just so people will stop bugging you. If people can't respect your decision, they don't deserve your respect, either. If you can walk away, do so. If you're stuck in the situation, try your best to cope with it, but never give in.

While this post is kind of leaning towards the whole saying no to the typical alcohol and drugs scenario in college, I really want people to learn to say no in all aspects of their life. We find ourselves getting into situations we really don't want to be in, or places we really didn't want to go to, or doing someone a favor that you just were not up for, simply because you didn't want to say no. But if it's something that your inner voice is literally screaming "NO!!!" then LISTEN TO IT!

Being assertive is not being a "bitch." Being assertive does not mean you're being mean or aggressive. It just means you know what you want, and you won't back down. It means you respect yourself. Learning to say no can truly be a very difficult thing to do, but by doing so, I promise it will benefit you in so, so many ways.

"ABOVE ALL,

BE THE 

HEROINE OF

YOUR LIFE,

NOT THE

VICTIM."

-Nora Ephron

Has our generation gone too far with the drinking lifestyle?

I’ve been experiencing some serious writer’s block. It’s not that I don’t have any ideas, because I have enough ideas to fill up my entire spring and summer post schedule. The problem is I’m having trouble just sitting down and actually writing it all. My ideas bounce around in my head like jumping jelly beans and then it’s hard to put everything into words. I also get stressed out knowing that I should be writing but I’m not. I almost feel like I’m back in school, dreading that paper I have to write but continuously procrastinating until the very last second. Except now, there’s technically no due date. I’m all about being organized and setting goals for myself, with tight run schedules and all. Then, it all just flops. I’m trying to work on this, but sometimes you find yourself in a funk that is just tremendously difficult to get out of.

One thing I do want to share with you all is my experience at the Taking Back Sunday concert I went to on Wednesday night. There were three other bands playing before them, so it was a really long wait (after an already exhausting day at work.) Taking Back Sunday has been my favorite band since I was about 12/13 years old and it is literally written on my bucket list “go to a Taking Back Sunday concert.” Ten years a fan and I had never been to one.

Now, I do not consider myself a “concert-goer” in the least bit. I’m not a fan of large crowds, so I stay away from things like that. I also don’t like spending a bunch of money on nosebleed seats. Just don’t see the point. But, this time was different. I was super pumped.

To say it in the politest way possible, it sucked. Not because of the music or the bands. It was the people, the crowd. I was expecting a crowd of older people or people somewhat my age, those who grew up listening to these bands and just felt like being nostalgic, etc. Instead, the crowd was a mix of overly obnoxious and rude drunk teenagers. Or maybe they were older than that, but I really couldn’t tell by the way they were acting. Everywhere I turned I saw girl drama and fights. People were doing drugs left and right. Everyone was wasted. I did not get to enjoy myself and it was truly disappointing. 

I don’t blame people for wanting to have fun and letting loose for a night, but after my night it really made me think: 

Must we rely on alcohol or drugs to have a good time, all the time?

I think drinking every once in a while is perfectly fine, especially if you know your limits and can contain yourself. However, I see it all around me, all the time. People don’t know how to have fun unless it involves intoxicating yourself in some way. They rather go to bars every weekend than try out new activities or just plan a nice night in with your friends.

College pretty much has a drinking culture of its own, and that’s really never going to change. I’ll admit that I, too, indulged in this type of lifestyle. At what point does it get old, though? For me, this idea of drinking all the time or overindulging in this lifestyle started getting old by the time I became a senior in college. Now whenever I see people my age still acting in such ways or having this mentality, it’s just disappointing. 

I wish it was easier for people to have a good time without having to drink or go out and rage. I understand that it’s fun to let loose, go wild and just have a good time with friends. But, you have to remember a few things:

1. Know your limits. At a certain age, you should know how much you should be consuming. You should know not to get so drunk that you become a problem for others or even for your own self. 

2. There are other things to do besides drinking. Like, an infinity amount of things to do. Finding new activities or hobbies with your friends could open so many doors. Or even simple things, such as going to the movies or cooking a new dish at home with friends, or ordering chinese food and watching Netflix all night. 

3. If the reason you’re going out to bars every weekend is to meet your dream sweetie, think again. Is this really the type of environment you want to meet someone special like that? Sure, a lot of people find their boyfriends/girlfriends at bars, but more likely than not you’re not going to find what you’re looking for. 

4. Alcohol is not good for your body. MAYBE the occasional glass of red wine, as studies have proven, or whatever. But to be binge-drinking all the time causes some serious issues. We all know hangovers suck. You feel that way for a reason. You just threw your body into a spinning hell ride of torture. Also, as we get older, our bodies can’t handle as much alcohol as we used to, so sometimes taking it down a notch is actually literally necessary in order for you to survive the next day.

5. If you rely on alcohol to be less shy, forget about your problems, etc. there are underlying issues that need to be resolved. Alcohol is not the solution. In fact, bringing alcohol into the mix of these pre-existing issues will probably only make things worse in the long run. Deal with life in a different way, a healthier way.

So there you have it. End of rant. Some of you may agree with me, some of you may not, but this is just the way I see things and how I feel. Sometimes it seems that our generation is so involved in the drinking culture and I think it can result in so many problems for our futures and our well-being in general. 

My Top 5 Hangover Cures

Honestly, just thinking about this post is giving me flashbacks to last weekend after my birthday party and my head starts pounding. But, I figured I'd help you guys out and let you in on a few tips to beating those nasty hangovers.

1. Coconut Water - They might as well call this unicorn piss, because it's that magical. First of all, it tastes pretty good (to me, at least.) It's also super hydrating which is exactly what you need after a night of drinking. It's full of electrolytes, similar to sports drinks, but it contains less sugar than those types of drinks so it's better for you (and your hangover.) Coconut water contains an abundance of nutrients (especially potassium, whatever that does for you) and we all know your poor weak self could use just about all the healthiness it can swallow at this point.

2. B Vitamins - You lose a lot of vitamins and nutrients when you drink, especially vitamin B. Vitamin B is good for your metabolism and also boosts your energy. Taking a good B complex vitamin can help boost your energy and mood after a night out.

3. Carbs - My favorite go-to hangover foods are bagels with cream cheese or butter (nothing beats a true Jersey bagel… MMMMM) or an entire box of mac & cheese to my face. Although you probably want to vaporize a greasy plate of hash browns, bacon and eggs- be wary of this. Sometimes too much greasy food will only lead to you feeling worse. Or, you know, that bathroom situation…

4. Alka-Seltzer Extra Strength - This medicine kills two birds with one stone. Alka-seltzer is known for relieving upset stomachs and all that, but they also sell a version that contains pain relievers, so it will help with that killer headache as well. It's better than just taking Advil or Tylenol, because sometimes that headache you have is due to your stomach being all effed up.

5. Sleep - Yep, sometimes all you can do is sleep it off.

Extra tips for the night before!

(wait, my first tip is: don't ever, ever drink this crap ^)

In order to avoid a hangover you should:

1. Drink some water throughout the night. Seriously. It might seem like a pain in the ass or silly, but it does make a difference. Staying hydrated will help you the morning after.
2. Avoid smoking cigarettes. A lot of people become social smokers after a drink or two, but studies have found that smoking can actually increase the intensity of your hangover the next day. (Also, as a general rule, just don't smoke. It's bad news bears.)
3. Don't mix the types of drinks you get. Stick with just one type of alcohol (beer, vodka, whatever.)
4. Avoid diet soda as a mixer or chaser. The fake sugar can make you even more dehydrated.
5. As we get older, our bodies can't handle "binge-drinking" the same way they did when we were 18/19. Be realistic. Not only is binge-drinking unattractive after a certain point, but it's also really bad for your health. So, don't over do it.

P.S. This is what I learned at college.