It's Time to Stop Basing Your Life on What Others Think

Lately I've been making a lot of "unconventional" decisions in my life and the direction in which my life is headed. I'm straying away from what society believes is normal and what a college educated woman should be doing nowadays. I'm ultimately making decisions with my heart, rather than with my head. And, unfortunately, many people frown upon that. But am I going to let it stop me? Absolutely not.

Every one of us may encounter a situation like this at some point in our lives, whether it's a big decision or a small one. I can already tell you that not everyone will be on board with your decision and almost everyone will have some kind of opinion on the matter. Some will voice it, others will not. It may even be your own friends and family who are your toughest critics. They may drive you up the wall. They may make you second guess yourself. They may even talk you out of something that you really, truly believed was best for you. I'm here to tell you that you cannot let that happen.

Sure, there are many cases in which your loved ones are just looking out for you and want the best for you, but you know what? You're the one who at the end of the day knows what's best. You're the one who will be living with whatever decision you end up making. It's not a bad thing at all to ask for the opinion and help from other people, especially because I do think it's important to get some outside perspective. But when it gets to the point that you're basically getting your dreams shit on (excuse my language) then it's time to start saying screw what people think, this is my life.

We live in a world where everyone's life, every single little detail, is out there for all to see (and to compare with). Unfortunately this does more damage than good. We compare ourselves too much with other people and their lives, and a lot of the time that hinders our own progress or change. I've certainly talked about this issue on my blog before, but it's that important that I feel I need to keep reiterating it (for my readers just as much as for myself). We need to stop making decisions based on what other people think and we also need to stop comparing our lives with other people. You're only ever going to get to where you're truly happy once you block out the rest of the world. This is your life, your journey - live it your way.

"The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on or blame. The gift is yours. It is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins." 

-Bob Moawad

Inspiration Monday: Today is a New Day

Often times we find ourselves making mistakes that we immediately regret (or eventually will) and it's hard to get past that moment. You may find yourself embarrassed, angry, disappointed, sad, confused, etc.; the list goes on. The thing is, everyone makes mistakes and the sooner you accept that you are not perfect, the sooner you will be able to pick yourself up again.

It's for your own benefit if you develop a mentality in which each day is a fresh start, a new beginning. Surely you've heard this before and you've probably tested it out yourself a couple times, but has it ever really stuck? It's difficult to keep a positive mindset on a daily basis, but if you manage to start off your day on a bright note, it can certainly make all the difference.

I was inspired to write this post because it was something that occurred to me this morning as I was leaving my house to head to work. I made a mistake last night, a mistake that is frequently made, despite my efforts to change time and again. So, I had two options. I could either spend the day angry and disappointed, amongst other bad emotions, or I could look at the beautiful day ahead of me and accept that it was a new day and I could start over, leaving those negative thoughts behind.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed or made better, but when we're lucky enough to have the opportunity to change our ways and make sure those mistakes do not happen again, you have to strive for that. Do not dwell on the past. Think of today, and every day, as a new chapter in your book.

"Don't let yesterday use up too much of today."

-Will Rogers

Inspiration Monday: Productivity

Let's face it, my productivity levels have bottomed out. If there was an actual chart showing my productivity levels within the past year, these past few weeks probably would be in the "below zero" category. It's not to say that I've been lazy, because I think for the first time in well, forever, I've been very NOT lazy. Waking up early, working a 9 to 5 job and kind of sort of still running this blog qualifies as not lazy in my book. The problem is I know that I can certainly be doing more. I know that I have been slacking. I know that I haven't been able to accomplish anything that I've wanted to by this time, even the short-term goals I had set for myself. I haven't been productive, especially when it comes to this blog, and that is not okay with me!

So as I racked my brain for what to focus on for my Inspiration Monday this week, I decided that productivity would be a great way to not only inspire others to be more productive in their lives but also kind of give myself a kick in the right direction. Everyone has their own ways of getting to a more productive level in their life (or you're still trying to figure that out, like me). I already have a blog post in my drafts on ways to be more productive in the morning. I'm a firm believer that how you start off your day can very much effect how the rest of your day goes. But I'm also a firm believer in the fact that life throws you curveballs 24/7, so you need to stay sharp and focused pretty much the entire day. Of course, waking up on the right side of the bed in the morning can help with that.

There's also a fine line between "being productive" and being so busy that your brain hurts. It's super important to find a balance here. What I though was a "productive" phase for me a few weeks ago, actually ended up being one of those "crash and burn" kind of moments in my life. There's only SO much you can do and nothing good will come from doing too much all at once. My goal isn't just to be more productive, but to find that balance so I don't run myself dry and end up back to zero productivity because I've juiced out my brain. As with most things in life, balance is key.

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I'd love to hear from you! What is your best productivity tip? What do you struggle with most when it comes to being more productive?

Inspiration Monday: Focus on Yourself

It's been such a long time since I've written an Inspiration Monday post! As I was writing the draft for my first post on The Indie Chicks, part of my post got me thinking about something truly important I've learned in recent years (and am still learning). That lesson? Focusing on yourself and avoiding the temptation to compare yourself to others.

This is something I feel every single one of us has faced since a very young age, dating back to your Kindergarten days when you wanted the same big box of crayons the little girl next to you had, or when you were in high school and every day was filled with comparing yourself to your peers. As we age, we tend to step away from these bad habits, but sometimes they never really go away.

Since graduating college, I feel like I've been hit by a new wave of comparing my life to those around me. After graduating, everyone I knew branched off and headed in different directions. When we were still in school, we all seemed to be on the same path or dealing with similar situations. Afterwards, I couldn't help but notice that everyone was doing something that I wanted to do but wasn't able to or hadn't gotten around to yet. It was incredibly frustrating and disheartening.

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Fast forward a year and a half and I've finally begun to accept the path that I'm on as my own and have actually become quite proud of myself, especially how far I've come. Of course, it wasn't easy. It never was. I know there will still come times when I take a look at someone else's life and wish mine resembled theirs. It's only natural to feel this way from time to time, but we cannot make a habit out of it.

As I've matured, I've learned that one of the most important things you can do in life is to focus on yourself, and just that. Don't look at where others are in life or what they have and you don't. That kind of comparison is negative and will only bring you harm. You need to focus on who you are as an individual and accept that your life will be completely different than anyone else's and that that is 100% okay.

As a twenty-something, this is something that's even more difficult to do because everyone you know will start making big changes in their life and not everyone will meet certain milestones at the same time. But that's okay. Everyone marches to the beat of their own drum. We can't all have the same life, the same goals, the same dreams. Just like you may want something that someone else has, someone may want something that you have but they don't. It's the circle of life!

So remember: focus on yourself and what you can do to bring yourself happiness.

Inspiration Monday: Dream on Dreamer

Ironically this is my 150th post on In-Between Life and it really couldn't be a more perfect fit. This whole year has been about me chasing my dreams and not giving up, even though there were plenty of ridiculously difficult moments for me. But I charged through (and don't get me wrong, I'm still charging) and eventually all that hoping and dreaming paid off. The road is long, though, and I have a lot left to do and accomplish. I'm just glad I kept my dream alive. I want you to keep your dream alive, too. Dream on dreamer.

"Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than one with all the facts."

-Albert Einstein

Inspiration Monday: One month left to make 2014 count!

Can you believe it is already December 1st? This year seems to have gone by so fast for me. I had a lot of new experiences (definitely some life-altering ones) and many lessons learned along the way. Usually as the year comes to a close, I like to reflect on the past months and the changes I have gone through. Many times in the past I would be bitter that things did not go my way or that life didn't necessarily "change" in any way, sort of leaving me in the same place I was the year before. As I've grown older, however, I've realized that this is never the case. You may feel like nothing's changed, but if you really take time to look back and reflect, you'll realize just how much HAS changed, especially you.

Whether 2014 was great or awful, boring or exciting, mediocre or mind-blowing—it's still another year you get to add to your list, so don't take that for granted. This month is all about love. Love for your family, your friends, your significant others, your community, your surroundings, even the strangers you pass by on the street. Be grateful and spread joy and love as much as you can this month. Even if you had a crappy year, this month is the perfect time to try and put that behind you.

Make goals for yourself this month. Lots of people start off the new year with resolutions or goals for the year, but why not start doing that now, before the year is over? What would be a better way to welcome in a new year with goals already accomplished? I know I already have several goals I'd like to accomplish by year's end and I'm hoping it will put me in the right mind set by the time 2014 is over.

Things don't always go our way and sometimes we're left disappointed or discouraged, but that doesn't mean there's nothing you can do about it! I know this story all too well, especially these past several months. I know how hard it is to pick yourself up again, but I also know how important it is to keep trying and trying and trying. That's why I'm hoping you will join me in making this month a good one, a memorable one. We may not have control over everything, but we do have control over our actions and attitudes.

This is the perfect time of the year to do extraordinary things. Spread the joy. Volunteer. Smile at strangers. Help those in need. Help yourself. Do something you've been meaning to do but haven't gotten around to. Take a day trip somewhere fun with loved ones. Take lots of pictures to make those memories last. Set goals for yourself, even if they're small, and accomplish them. Prove to yourself that you're worth all the happiness in the world. And most importantly, don't forget to laugh at least once a day!

(Be as happy as this baby elephant)

Inspiration Monday: When you don't know what to do

Life often presents us with a platter full of options when you least expect it. If you're lucky, you're given something that you are 100% sure about, something that is your absolute dream. So naturally, there's no need to ponder and make a pros and cons list because you already know what your choice will be. The majority of the time, though, life doesn't work that way. We are given options that have both pros and cons and we ultimately have to make a decision, hoping we make the right one. I feel that during your early post-grad years, this is something that happens quite often. They also tend to be scary decisions. Decisions that can affect which direction your life takes off in, decisions that will determine your future. You can either end up extremely satisfied with your decision or completely miserable (and sometimes somewhere in between the two). So what do you do when it's your turn to decide?

If you're anything like me, you'll pretty much ask each of your friends for their opinion/advice. You'll even ask your parents. You'll go around asking just about everyone, because the more insight, the better, right? Maybe. When it comes down to it, you're the only one who can make this decision. You are the only one who truly knows what's best for you. You can ask for all the advice in the world, but chances are deep down, you already know what you're leaning towards. Sometimes it's exactly what people are telling you you should do. Sometimes it's what people are telling you NOT to do. Or in my case, it's somewhere in between. I think one of the reasons we like to ask for advice is so we can hear someone else validate your decision. Sure, there are times when you genuinely don't know what to do so you appreciate an outsider's point of view. Most of the time, though, you already know what you want to do.

But wait. You may know deep down what you want, but on the surface you're freaking out. You don't want to make the wrong decision. For whatever reason, something is stopping you from going in one direction as opposed to the other. That's when the confusing and frustrating part kicks in. Your future is staring you right in the face. Right now my future is staring me right in the face and growling. I'll admit, I'm a little bit terrified.

This time period in life is notorious for making big-time decisions, paving your life path, figuring yourself out, finding out who you truly are, etc. So, naturally, we feel super pressured! We want to make sure we get everything right. We want to succeed. We want to be happy. If only it was easier said than done.

So when you don't know what to do, when you don't know which direction to take, which decision to make, which option on the platter of life to take—don't freak out. Life is all about making mistakes and learning from them. Maybe you'll end up making the wrong decision, but it's a decision you made, no one else. Do you know how lucky you are to even get to do that? Life will inevitably hand you a truck load of decisions and you will have to make some tough ones. Some you'll get right, some you won't. But that's what it's all about. Learning as you go. Figuring out who you are. What you want. And you know what else? You're 100% allowed to change your mind as many times as you want. There is no right or wrong answer here. It's your life and ultimately it's up to you what you do with it.

Inspiration Monday: Keep on keepin' on

I woke up this morning (okay, more like afternoon because I stayed up all night catching up on the Vampire Diaries...perks of unemployment?) and for a SPLIT second I pitied myself. Then, I snapped the f* out of it and told myself I had plenty of things to do and to get to it. Just because I don't have a "job" doesn't mean I'm rendered useless and incapable of actually being productive today. It's so easy to find yourself void of motivation during times like these, but I can't stress enough how important it is for you (and your sanity) to keep yourself going. Keep believing, keep hoping, just keep doing something. Don't let yourself fall trap to the blues and negativity. Yes, it is extremely difficult under certain circumstances and it gets harder as time goes on and all seems to be a lost cause, but no matter—keep on keepin' on.

Before I start doing any of the millions of things on my to-do list today, I scrolled through my Pinterest inspiration board (comes in handy quite a lot) and I wanted to share some of my favorites with you, in hopes that it inspires you as well.

Inspiration Monday: Be Strong

I can't even recollect how many times I have heard the words "be strong" or some variation of that. Not just said to me, but to people around me or people saying it to someone else. "You have to be strong." "You can get through this, just be strong." "Be strong, you got this." Of course, they are wise words and in this hectic, chaotic mess of a life sometimes the only thing you can do is be strong. The thing is - so much easier said than done. Being "strong" is not easy, nor is it something that can easily be defined. Everyone has their own definition or perception of what "being strong" is all about.

I was scrolling through Pinterest the other day, where I like finding inspirational quotes (along with about a million other "pin-worthy" stuff), and I found this list of "18 things mentally strong people do."  I didn't really agree with all of them, but these are some that stood out to me:

• They move on. They don't waste time feeling sorry for themselves.
• They embrace change. 
• They are kind, fair, and unafraid to speak up.
• They invest their energy on the present. They don't dwell on the past.
• They are willing to fail. They don't give up after failing. 
• They accept their feelings without being controlled by them.

I can go on and on about what makes a person strong, but what I may consider strong, you may not. Some people view being strong as being void of emotions and feelings, of not letting yourself get caught up in any of that messy stuff. Others simply view being strong as getting up day after day, despite how hard your life may be. You know what? What's most important is that you view yourself as strong. Figure out what your definition of "strong" is and then strive to be that, every chance you get. It's not easy, but if it were, I don't think we would see it as such a virtue. 

Don't base your "strength" off others. Everyone is facing their own battles, everyone faces life differently. You alone are the one who determines how strong you can be, how strong you are willing to become. You have the power to "be strong." Don't ever let anyone define what your own strength is. 

Have an awesome week.

xo, Val

Inspiration Monday: Take a step back and reflect

This is the last Monday before Labor Day, which in my eyes at least, basically means summer is coming to an end. Fall is right around the corner, which excites me because it is one of my favorite seasons, but that means summer is over and that's always a sad thing. Every summer holds so many possibilities and adventures. If you're anything like me, you start off your summer extremely excited for what this one holds for you... what awaits you. What might change and what might not. Sometimes you start off with a huge list of expectations, only to find yourself at the end of the summer totally bummed out. But then there are some summers that are so great that they will live in your memory forever and ever. What kind of summer did you have this year?

Since we're reaching the end of something and the beginning of something new, it's a good time to take a step back and reflect. Truthfully, this is something you should do often, not just when one season ends and another begins. Sometimes we just need to take a step back from all the chaos, especially the chaos that goes on in your mind, and truly reflect on your life. Everything that's happened thus far, what has changed for you and what has not, where you'd like to be, etc.

As only natural for me, I've been doing a lot of reflecting the past few days, since my summer is coming to an end. It did not in the least bit go the way I thought it would when it had first started, but that's okay. I've come to accept the way things have played out for me. I learned a lot about myself this summer (or rather, realized that I had already known all along). Looking back at where I was a year ago—a totally lost post-grad freaking out about what to do with my life and my career—I think I've come a long way. Although I think we will always feel a little bit "lost" so to say, I certainly don't feel as lost, confused and scared anymore.

I now have a clear idea of what I want my career path to be, it's just a matter of working really hard to get an opportunity. And time. Time is always a bitch. But, that's how it goes. In other parts of my life, I'm feeling more level headed as well. I haven't felt "myself" in a very, very long time, but I am starting to finally feel more like the "real Val." I'm sure there will be setbacks and more ups and downs, but I'm ready for them. Maybe the events of this summer, this entire year, were necessary in order for me to do a complete roundabout and realize these things. Who knows.

So for this Inspiration Monday, I'd like you to take a step back and reflect. You can reflect on your summer, or your past year, or your entire life! Clear your mind and really think about things. Take your time to analyze. Look at everything with a new perspective. Sometimes, that's all we really need.

Inspiration Monday: Hustle, Hustle, Hustle

These past couple of weeks I've found myself busier than I have been the entire summer accumulated.  I have new projects left and right and so many new things going on in regards to my blog (which you will see/get more info on very soon!) Basically, I've been hustling. Not just with my blog, but in other areas of my life as well. I'm determined to see my dreams come true. I'm determined to land that dream job, or at least start the path towards it. I always kind of knew that just sitting around waiting for things to happen wasn't a good way of succeeding, but it's not until recently that I finally got the determination to actually pursue my dreams and ambitions. Nothing worthwhile is easy, so you need to put in the hard work to see the pay-off. 

We've had this idea drilled into our heads since kids, though, right? At least I have. I've always been told that hard work pays off, that you need to put yourself out there in order to succeed, etc. However, it's much easier said than done. Even though I'm a lot busier these days and working hard towards a lot of new things, I know I could be doing even more. But I'm trying to take it one step at a time. It's also very easy (at least for me) to get overwhelmed with new projects and ideas. In the past I've had moments like these and put so much of my energy and time into it that I quickly burn out, leaving my brain fried and exhausted for a long time. This time, I'm trying to take things as they come and not go crazy on the hard work. It's so tempting, though! When you're this passionate about what you want to be doing and determined to see yourself succeed as soon as possible, it's hard to stop working and turn your brain off for awhile just to let yourself be. Could be one of the reasons I've had trouble sleeping the past couple of weeks! Oops.

So for this week's inspiration Monday, I'd like to remind you all that in order to see your dreams come true you have to hustle, hustle, hustle! Put in the work necessary. Make it happen. Get in that mindset. But at the same time, don't forget to take a step back every once in awhile. It's okay to give yourself a break. If you don't, you might overwork yourself and then what good will that do you? Also, remember that just because you don't see instant results, in whatever it may be that you're pursuing, doesn't mean you won't get there. Some things take a lot of time. The important part is that you don't give up. Set backs are inevitable. What counts is that you bounce back from them. 

Time is a funny thing

I've been thinking a lot about time lately, and how much can change (or how much doesn't change) in a set amount of time and just how funny the concept of time is. We can be living our lives normally and suddenly one day just changes it all, turns your life upside down. It can be anything, really. A tragedy or something wonderful, but regardless, your life has been changed in just that one moment. Or you look back at where you were three months ago and you say "was that really just three months ago? It feels like so much longer..." simply because so much has changed in your life, and within yourself, too. Then there are instances where you look back at your life a year ago and you find yourself almost exactly at the same spot, feeling as if nothing has changed.

I have basically gone through all of the above in just a "short" amount of time, about a month I'd say. Some days I feel all of these things at once. Some days are both positive and negative for me, and I'm still trying to figure out how I'm even managing to put up with that. Because let me tell you, if you don't already know, it's exhausting trying to stay positive 100% of the time when you are constantly reminded of why everything suddenly sucks again. And yet you have to. You can't let the bad vibes win. 

Anyway, back to the concept of time. It really is a funny thing. We ourselves don't even know how much time we have on this Earth, or how much time any of us have, and yet we grasp on to this concept of "time" so tightly, believing we have all the time in the world. Maybe we should stop living by this concept of time, which seems so irrelevant. I've always been someone who seeks out the future, or stays stuck in the past, sometimes even doing both of those things at once. I have a tremendously hard time living in the present and just enjoying today for what it is. Don't get me wrong, I do manage to enjoy my present moments a lot, especially as I've grown older. Life has happened to me far too often for me to not have finally learned to enjoy the present moment, and know that in any second things can drastically change. That people (or pets) will leave, that you won't have any more of those moments, so you should enjoy them while they last. I've learned to live that way, but it can also cause you to live in a constant state of fear that something bad will happen, and then eventually it does because you believed in it so much. 

This seems to be all over the place, but here is what I'm trying to get at (and hopefully if you aren't already living your life this way, you can strive to do so):

• Live in the present as much as possible. Don't get stuck in the past and don't worry about the future. Just let things be. You are where you are supposed to be.
• If you are going through a rough patch, don't worry. Everything can change in just one day. Stay positive and believe that better things await you. Don't just hope for it, truly believe it.
• If you are in a good spot in life, enjoy it 100%. Be grateful for what you have. You never know when things can change. But also don't worry about things changing. Just learn to appreciate all the good you have, before it's too late.

So basically, while I'm sure we can all agree that life is a bitch to all of us, it is also beautiful. We will all have our ups and downs, some more than others, but that's just how it is. A lot of people believe that before we are even born we choose the life we want, for whatever reason. That we are strong enough to live the life we have been given. While I myself am still trying to figure this all out and understand why things turn out the way they do, it's really important not to let yourself get stuck on the negative. Like I said before, you can't let the negative vibes win. Staying positive (as hard as it may be) in the worst moments in your life is just about the best possible thing you can do for yourself. 

If you are having a hard time, whatever the reason may be, stay strong. Stay positive. Believe with all your might that good things are coming, because they are. You just have to believe in it. 

Inspiration Monday: Leap of Faith

“What defines us is how well we rise after falling.”

“Sometimes we find ourselves stumbling over obstacles we face today but always see the big picture and keep moving forward. Have faith - someday you will get to where you were meant to be and you will be strong enough to weather any storm.”

— Tom Krause

Inspiration Monday: Punch fear in the face.

I don't like it, but sometimes fear consumes me and prevents me from living my life how I would truly like to. Fear is an ugly thing and I wish none of us ever had to go through it because it really affects so many parts of our lives, and sometimes it prevents great things from happening. For this Inspiration Monday, I want you to take a look at the fears that you are holding on to (because let's be fair, we all have some) and try to find a way to just let them go. It's not easy, believe me, I know. But it is necessary. It is necessary if you want to grow as a person, make changes in your life, and most importantly, if you want to be truly happy. Let go of the fears.

"The key to change is to let go of fear."

-Rosanne Cash

"I let go of the fear and the peace came quickly."

-Lea Michele

"Everything you want is on the other side of fear."

-Jack Canfield

and because I know so many of us are constantly asking the universe for this, here it is:

Inspiration Monday & Hump Day Funnies: All rolled into one.

I've been off the radar lately (and feeling quite guilty about that.) But sometimes even bloggers need to take a break. This holiday weekend was pretty hectic for me because of a room change that involved lots of stressful furniture building. Even though you're supposed to feel well rested after a weekend, especially a long weekend, I woke up Tuesday morning totally burnt out. Could also be due to the fact that it was super humid (there I go, blaming the weather once again) and my allergies kicked up about 5 notches. Despite all this "crumminess" I'm trying to get back into the swing of things.

I promise good posts are coming, but for this morning I want to share some of my usual "Inspiration Monday" goodies combined with "Hump Day funnies" (which I've decide is okay to do because this week is all over the place, so there.)

 "Don't sit and wait. Get out there, feel life. 

Touch the sun, and immerse in the sea."

-Rumi

 

 

Inspiration Monday: Good Vibes

Today's message is simple. Good vibes. Feel them, send them, be them. Get rid of the negative forces in your life, surround yourself with all the positive. BE the positive. Good vibes. Plain and simple. 

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*from Lea Michele's new video, On My Way. Check it out ;)

Sending you good vibes for the week ahead ♥︎

(P.S. Don't forget to enter my $100 Target giveaway, one week left!)

Some friendly reminders ;)

and if all else fails...

Happy Monday :)